Thursday, March 1, 2018

What Have You (I) Done For Me Lately? Oooh, ooohooh, oooh, Yeah!

No, I don't expect you to have done anything for me lately. I DO expect ME to have done stuff for me lately.

In my latest blog-reading ==>,
I've found that some of the writers are talking about their penchant for people-pleasing, to the detriment of self-care. You should know the following about me already, but just in case you don't,

  • I have reached the point in my life where I have zero fucks to give regarding someone else's requests, unless the fulfillment of them will ultimately please me, too.
This is not to say that I am uncaring, or heartless, or selfish. If your request of me is something related to work that I'm already doing for you, I'm not going to neglect to do my job simply because a specific task would be unpleasant.

I'm talking about putting myself in situations with people I don't know very well, offering to be helpful, and then being asked to do things that are completely beyond my scope. If I haven't already expressed at least a vague interest in this "new" thing, why would you think that I'll succeed in my first attempt? When I do anything "new", I like to get enough practice in before doing it for someone else, because I JUDGE MYSELF, and even if it's not a competition, I still want to "win".
  • Don't even get me started on "competitions"
So, if you are close enough in my circle that you care about my feelings and you know I care about yours, you can be damn sure I'm going to give your request careful consideration, and if I choose to attempt whatever it is, I'm going to do my absolute best to not let you down. But I might just say "no". Because if, after careful consideration, I don't see myself succeeding, I know that my own judgment of myself will be bad enough that I just don't want to face it. It may be selfish of me to refuse you. But if you care about me at all, then you'll recognize that I'm not refusing out of stubbornness or meanness. It's self-care. I'm taking care of myself.

And if the thing you're requesting of me is something you already love doing, then why not a) do it yourself, or b) join me/teach me the task? If your request is to get me to love it as much as you do, why not share your enthusiasm? So that if I do end up loving the thing as much as you do, then we leave the whole situation with a new commonality?

If you are not close enough in my circle to care about my feelings and/or you don't think I care about yours, then just don't even try. My need to feel good about myself does not extend to trying to impress you. I have zero fucks to give to "impressing" anyone.

All this, just because some of the bloggers I read ==>
have recently expressed being people-pleasers, and how it's messing with their anxiety or whatever, when the people aren't pleased, or when the situation/task isn't personally pleasing for them. The more we "broken"* people remember to stand up for our own feelings, the better we'll be about self-care... and the more we can try new things, if asked with the right motivation... and the more we will expand our horizons.

*"broken" can mean Depressed, Anxious, Bi-Polar, "On the Spectrum", Noisy, Quiet, Extroverted, Introverted, Short, Tall, Fat, Skinny, NORMAL. Because there is no "normal". If you somehow don't identify as "broken", then I applaud you. If you do identify as "broken", then please be sure to exercise some self-care. Whatever that means for you.

I'm in the middle of doing some work. There's self-improvement/growth here; there's self-care here; there's no room for loathing or judgment. I'll try to keep you posted on my accomplishments, as I reach certain milestones. In the meantime, I'll just keep singing. Hit it, Janet!


  1. I request that you just keep being the awesome person you are. :)

  2. I have anxiety and have been a people pleaser for years. Now I am comfortable saying No and I kind of don't care what people think

  3. I still have trouble sometimes determining when to say no. I'm getting better at it though. I end up feeling anxiety either way.

  4. Pip and S.E., thank you for commenting. I'm sorry I was away for so long. I love the state of "zero fucks to give", and I find saying "no" to be comforting, when I really need that form of self-care. So, Pip, I'm glad you've made it, and S.E., I'd say just keep trying to get there. Good habits are as hard to form as bad ones are to break. Good luck!


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