Christmas is Over. Is it Easter yet?

As you may remember, for many years after Mommy died, I didn't have much Christmas Spirit. I mean, I would break out my Santa hat and ornament earrings, and start wearing all that shit, including my jingle ball necklace, starting on December 1st. But every year, that was the extent of my Christmas Spirit.

When I married Stephen, we would buy a little potted rosemary "tree" each year, which he would decorate with lights and ornaments, and he'd hang lights and garlands around the living room, and the place would look festive. I mostly didn't help with the decorating. He mostly didn't need help, and he always "got it" that I just wasn't emotionally in a place where I needed to decorate. I appreciated it being done, but I think not having it would have been fine, too. I dunno. It was always his "thing".

When we moved to the wrong-for-us coast, we acquired a fake Christmas tree, so no more rosemary "trees". It's probably for the best, at least for the rosemary. We never could keep those little things alive a full year. I'm #Grateful that Lowe's always took the poor, pathetic dead things back when we bought a new one. But once we got the fake one from his dad's house, we stopped buying and killing rosemary.

Two years ago*, I put up the tree and decorated it. He didn't ask me to, but he was pleasantly surprised that I had done it. There were still garlands and lights and other things he could do, so the apartment was festive enough. And I personally had some Spirit. *I really thought that this happened last year, not two years ago. Apparently, last year, I was fighting SAD again. #DepressionLies

Last year, we were back to Stephen doing it all. He didn't need my help, so he did it all on his own. This year, I probably offered to help, but by not jumping up into it, he again did it all on his own. But possibly because this year he's an actual orphan,  he ran out of steam after hanging all the lights and garlands and getting the tree up and lit. I wore my Santa hat, ornament earrings, jingle ball and socks once or twice this month. We spent the whole month of December with a box or two of ornaments under the tree, waiting to be put up. Never happened.

Until today, when Stephen took down all of the decorations and packed them away. The ornaments have been put up, if where they are stored until next year is elevated in any way. Christmas is over. He's even sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping the kitchen floor (not that our fake tree sheds needles or anything, but the floor needed the mopping). He's a hero, kids.

So, since I have spent practically every day of this cool-weather season crocheting gifts for family and friends, including after I mailed out the family gifts, I've gone back to Jo-Ann for more yarns. They've got the bright pastels out, so I guess I'm working on Easter eggs... maybe Easter baskets? Hmm... I do have a pattern for some "catch-all" crocheted basket thingies. I guess I know what to start on next! ... besides blogging, reviewing movies for you, ramping my acting career into a higher gear, and loving on the cats, of course.

How have YOUR holidays been? Looking toward 2019 with eagerness, or dread? Let's talk about that!

It's been ... one week since you ... GOTCHA!

Okay, it's been FIVE MONTHS since you heard from me, but any chance for an earworm, and I'm all over it.

So what the hell have I been up to in the last five months, you say? Lemme peruse the calendar real quick, and I'll tell you:

• In June, I marched in the Pride Parade, as you know. I also volunteered for stuff, I worked on set, and I PERFORMED the role of Molly McGee in the SAG-AFTRA Radio Play, Fibber McGee and Molly (no, that's not my voice in the link). It was a ton of fun, getting to perform for an audience again, and the Holiday SARP is coming up, so I'll be in attendance for that, since I was ineligible to audition (having booked the summer show).
• In July, I enrolled in the SAG-AFTRA Conservatory and attended the Summer Intensive. AFI is the leading film school in the country (possibly the world) for directors and cinematographers. They partner with the Conservatory, allowing us to utilize their space for tens of thousands of dollars' worth of acting/business education, and they get union (Conservatory) actors for their student films. It's a definite win-win. It costs union members $45 for a year's enrollment. My enrollment fee was covered in that first weekend intensive. Awesome.
• In August, I volunteered, I attended Conservatory workshops, I took a friend to what I thought was a screening, but turned out to just be a gathering of folks interested in the NatGeo show Genius: Picasso, where we painted on our own canvasses, noshed on tidbits, and sipped wine. I also started working in the BG of a new Toni Collette Netflix show called Unbelievable. I can't say anything at all about it, even though we're finished shooting, because it doesn't come out until next year! Wah! (It's going to be an excellent show, and you should definitely watch it, whether I ever managed any camera time or not).
• September brought more Conservatory, more work on Unbelievable, more volunteering, Picketing a Business with my union (a commercial ad agency that has honored union signatory contracts for more than 20 years has suddenly decided that they just can't afford union actors anymore. So we arrived by the busload and marched in front of their offices for a couple of hours. Some people had signs, most of us were wearing our free-if-you-participate #AdsGoUnion/#BestInTheBiz t-shirts, and I believe the vast majority of us lost our voices for a day. It was good), and more screenings... we're heading into awards season! We also attended a night of streaming an entire web series, done by some old theatre friends of mine. Interesting.
• October. More Conservatory, more screenings, more work, more volunteering. We enjoyed a dinner party on a boat with my friend who was celebrating her 50th birthday. I attended a few voiceover workshops, including one where I learned about an upcoming VO Expo. I attended an acting workshop where I was finally able to figure out how to FOCUS my acting career. We attended a one-woman show produced/performed by another theatre friend of mine who has survived breast cancer (her show is called Chemo Barbie, and she sometimes tours, so if she comes to YOU, go see her show. Tell her I sent ya.)
• November has been busy, y'all. SCREENINGS work SCREENINGS volunteering SCREENINGS Conservatory SCREENINGS the VO Expo SCREENINGS Thanksgiving-a.k.a.-Gluttony-Day and SCREENINGS. This is honestly the reason I'm even back to my blog at all. Stephen and I paid to see Bohemian Rhapsody, because, duh, Queen. But everything else I've seen lately has been free through the Awards emails or the SAG-AFTRA Foundation. I've got a few titles you should definitely check out, if you can. If you'd like me to review anything, as I've done in the past, comment to that effect below, and I'll try to carve out some time to do that.

The year Lion came out, I didn't love any movie as much as that one, and I felt personally betrayed that it didn't garner more awards. I think the main reason it fell short was because it didn't get the audience it deserved. I don't want that to happen this year.

This Year, if there is Any Way Possible for you to see The 12th Man, then you have to do it. You have to see this film, and you have to see it again, and take friends with you, and then they have to see it again, and they have to take friends with them. Everyone you know needs to see #12thManMovie. Everyone you know needs to talk about it at the water cooler and on social media. It's a foreign film with English subtitles about true events that happened in Norway during World War II. But it doesn't "feel" like a foreign film. It doesn't feel like a low-budget (only $7 million) "out there" film. It FEELS like a big studio picture; it FEELS like it had a huge budget that was spent on cinematography and effects (the only member of the cast you may recognize is Jonathan Rhys Meyers, who worked for scale, so the budget wasn't spent on cast). Disclaimer: I don't have any personal stake in this film. The producers haven't paid me to advertise this film. I just feel really strongly that this film is Oscar-worthy, and worthy of your time, and that everyone I know and everyone you know should see this film, at the earliest possible convenience.

If you're in Los Angeles and want to attend a screening THIS THURSDAY, let me know ASAP. I'll get you the invite. Or send a request to sara at phase 2 pr dot com, asking for screenings. No, it's not hyperlinked, because I don't want to be the source of her inbox filling with spam (Blogger warned me about linking addresses, yo)

Ennyhoo. I've said what I needed to say. I'll be back with my previous frequency, I hope. Now I just need to get back to my holiday crocheting and looking for VO work and possibly joining an acting class I audited last night. I'm busy, y'all!

Pride 2018

I have a confession, kids.

I don't really know how to be an activist. Nor a feminist. Nor any "ist", if I'm truly honest.

I marched in the first Women's March. I participated in a GLOBAL event that brought many issues to light, not the least of which was the fact that a morally bankrupt anti-everything dolt had somehow "won" the role of President of the United States of America, and we were in for a world of trouble because of it.

It felt good to surround myself with people from all walks of life, marching for equality. I didn't stick around for any of the speeches. Maybe that makes me a "bad" activist. Or a non-activist. I was a participant for a few hours, and then I went home and taught myself how to crochet a

WIP

Pussy Hat. Activism done. I guess.

I retweet a lot, because I don't really know how to activism beyond my phone. I'm supportive of my friends in #TheBloggessTribe who suffer from all manner of mental illness but primarily Depression and Anxiety. I retweet articles about mental illness. I'm upset about #CadetBoneSpurs, so I retweet about the bullshit he's making happen. I retweet about #GOPCorruption, because #DOLT45 is absolutely being empowered in his bullshit by the extremely weak-willed right-wing Congress and Senate.

I'm also a cishet white woman, which puts me only one "degree" away from membership in the privileged group (cishet white men). I do know what #WhitePrivilege is. So I'm not exactly being "oppressed". But I see the oppression that my friends or acquaintances feel, and I want to support them. I want to be an ally.

I want to do more, but I don't know how. Or maybe I'm too lazy. <== That is probably the actual truth. I'm just too damn lazy to do more.

panoramic view of our gathering point, where we waited 1.5 hours

But marching with comrades-in-arms feels good. So yesterday, I walked with a group of 20-30 members of the actors' union, SAG-AFTRA, in the Los Angeles Pride Parade.

once actually IN the parade, our view (yes, that's a giant disco ball)

parade watchers, a sample

yes, there were plenty of men in drag. of course!

somewhere ahead of us was a confetti cannon

It was a PARADE, not a MARCH. It was a celebration for the LGBTQ+ community. I'm not a member of that community, but walking the parade route with my union mates, I allied myself with the community, and I probably looked like I'm somewhere in the LGBTQ+ spectrum. Fairly certain that at least one person there thought I was a lesbian or bisexual. I'm okay with that. Think what you want. #Ally

cloud of confetti, dead center

confetti in the air is HARD to catch!

glitter me this

I have another confession. I don't know the difference between "gay" and "queer", nor do I have a clue about "pan" or "ace" or any of the other pluses. Not that it matters. Not that I need to know. Unless you are one of the pluses and want me to know. In which case, I'm willing to learn, if you're willing to educate me.

Yesterday was exhausting. It was fun and fulfilling and draining and hot and sweaty and glittery. I'm #ProudToBeAnAlly.

my "crown"... literally, glitter on the crown of my head! (this is today, btw)

I'm also still spreading glitter throughout our apartment. It will probably never leave.

Do/did YOU participate in any #Pride2018 events?

Is it possible to "cure" Depression?

As you may know, I have somehow managed to survive this past "winter" without any major or even minor-but-noticeable bouts of Depression. Mommy's Sadiversary passed mostly unnoticed. I mean, at some point, I did remember, but it's not like I was particularly morose. Stephen's Dad's Sadiversary passed, and I honestly don't remember if either one of us commented on it at all. I skipped Thanksgiving; Christmas was whatever; Mommy's birthday passed much like her Sadiversary. New Year's Eve/Day were "meh". We ALWAYS ignore Valentine's Day, because #StupidHallmarkHolidaysAreStupidHallmarkHolidays HashtagWhateverThatBritishDudeOnWhatcultureSaysForWankersAndThenRepeatsForWankers

The Ides of March... Saint Patrick's Day... Easter... Arbor Day?... Mother's Day... #MayTheFourthBeWithYou (Star Wars Day)... #AndAlsoWithYou (Standard Presbyterian Response Day)... Cinco de Mayo... essentially SPRING! and no S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder, a.k.a. Winter Depression)

Granted, I did my best to stay busy. I was on set as much as possible, but when am I not on set "as much as possible"? I did a lot of volunteering at the union offices. I went to a lot more meetings and seminars and whatnot (including the health fair) being hosted by the union and/or the Foundation. I've gotten involved, yo.

I bought VO equipment and have been using it (a little; probably not "enough"). I'm reading books about VO that I've checked out from the Lab's library. I seem to be the only one who even knows they exist for lending. I've talked about my "career" with whomever has any insight, and I've discovered that I'm probably at a crossroads of sorts. Like, I KNOW that I need to "pick" some direction and then FOCUS. But it's hard! There are so many cool things I could be good at, in this industry! There are a couple of seminars that I Must Take to help me with that, but I haven't seen any openings listed in awhile. And, with the way my career has ebbed and flowed, chances are really good that when they do come around again, I'll be too busy! Which is, of course, not a bad thing.

But. Last night, while volunteering for the VO Lab's Orientation session, I discovered a feeling I haven't felt in a really long time.

HAPPINESS.

I felt genuinely happy, y'all. My birthday is coming up, and I'd had my standard (getting old) "hitch in my giddy-up" pretty much All Day. When one decides to start utilizing the VO Lab, one must attend ONE Orientation. Because of my volunteering, last night was my FOURTH. So what? Big deal. I was smiling, grinning, laughing, dancing, playing as I greeted all of those newbies, and I felt 100% like my old (young) self. HAPPY.

And it rolled over into today, too! I worked a commercial at the beginning of the month, and my paycheck still hadn't reached my mailbox by this morning. So I had to call, y'all. The payroll company is in CHICAGO. The CSR I reached is in Kentucky. I hate making these "where my money at, ASSHOLE?" kinds of calls. Everyone hates making them. We shouldn't have to make them!

But I did it. And I was courteous, but direct. Charles was able to track my check, which had been cut ON TIME but mailed to our old address in Burbank, because for Some Stupid Reason, Payroll Companies Don't Look At Your Brand New Timecard Or W-4 Or I-9, they just figure nobody ever moves. It's been SIX years since I worked for this payroll company. Or, to be Even More Accurate, six years ago, I worked for a payroll company that has since been bought out by the current one. Meaning, this particular payroll company should not have had ANY of my previous data "on file".

Now, did I cuss Charles out? No, I Did Not. Did I remember that none of this was his fault, and say so? Yes, I Did. Did I make it so clear that I was grateful for his help that he actually LAUGHED on our phone call? Yes, as a matter of fact, I DID THAT, TOO.

*** who the fuck is this person? ***

I vaguely remember happiness, y'all. I remember joy. I remember playing and laughing and singing and dancing just because. This is where I am today. I like it. I doubt my Depression is gone for good, but boy, do I like me TODAY. I like Happiness.

I wish for you all the happiness or joy or freedom from pain you can muster. Please join me in this feeling of good. And let me know below what's up with you! I miss our give-and-take! Our repartee! Our interaction! Comment, y'all! And thank you in advance. :D

So much going on with me these days, I Can't Even

First of all, when did "I Can't Even" get added to our normal, everyday verbiage? Was it when the Dumpster Fire was elected? Maybe. I think that's when I started using it.

Whatever. Lemme explain my title.

I've been a background actor for many years now. You know this. I've paid a monthly fee for a service that manages my calendar and helps me book work via their connections with casting. In December, the service I was using dropped the ball Big Time and caused me to be suspended for a month from the one casting company that has 80% of the jobs, so I fired them and re-upped with a service I'd used many years ago.

Since our return from North Carolina in July of 2014, the service that dropped the ball found work for me a total of 4 days in 2014, 28 days in 2015 (counting multiple "recalls" on shows like the muppets), 30 days in 2016 (again, many of these were "recalls", which means the service just managed my schedule once I was booked on the first day), and 36 days in 2017. That's fewer than one booking a week, for three-and-a-half years. And I was paying them to get me booked. Only once in that 3.5 years did I get a commercial, which pays a higher rate than television/film.

In 2014, I got to be the Script Supervisor for "Fragile Storm". That was an amazing film, and quite possibly the highlight of that year for me. In 2015, I reception'ed at Arthur Murray and guided tours at Warner Bros. - Warner Bros. was the highlight of 2015 (but also the muppets, because #DuhItsTheMuppets). 2016 was more Warner Bros. until that temp assignment ended #SadFace, and then a little more Scripty work, like on the "Magic FunHouse" set. At the time, I guess Magic FunHouse qualified as my highlight, but when I didn't book the second season, my ego took a hit. I just Did Not work enough in 2017, so I volunteered as an AD on a two-week shoot, and got my part-time retail gig at the pet supply store. I booked a recall gig as a hipster tech employee on a fun show, which would have been the highlight of 2017 if it hadn't been the show that my service fucked my life over with.

*** switched gears by re-hiring the older service. So far, in 2018, my new service has placed me on set 20 days. Three of those days, I've been a stand-in (which is a higher base than background). Two of those days have been on commercials. I'm on hold for some work on Tuesday. I'm averaging better than one day per week, and often those days are longer than 8 hours, and there are "bumps" involved, like wardrobe allowances, working in smoke, mileage reimbursements or meal penalties. Through my own connections, I booked a week as a Craft Services person and two days as an AD. I'm no longer working off-set, except for the monthly bookkeeping gig I do. I haven't hit my normal SAD or any other Depression. Stephen has noticed that my outlook is better since returning to the better service. #Grateful #WorkIsGoodForMyMentalHealth

I feel good. I'm volunteering a lot at the SAG-AFTRA offices, for screenings and such. I'm attending screenings off-site (last night, Netflix hosted a screening/q&a/reception for Stranger Things 2. It was awesome). I'm attending membership meetings and health fairs. I'm making use of the services my union and the Foundation have to offer. I'm trying to hit 5000 steps a day, most days, and on some days, I hit 10k without even trying. The furbabies are being super-affectionate of late, and my breathing is mostly in check. And I feel good!

Now I just need to get PAID. ... and return to a more-regular blogging schedule, of course. #IDoThisForYou #ButAlsoForMe

What have you been up to? What would you like to see here? Do I need to return to reviewing stuff? I've SEEN soooooo many shows & films since my last review.

I skipped April Fools' MONTH, y'all.

You may have noticed (I only just did) that I haven't blogged in over a month. I mean, I was aware that I haven't been blogging; it's not like I thought I was sleepblogging (that IS a thing, isn't it?). What I mean is, I'd seen in my Google email, in the past week, that one of my more-recent-ish posts had gained a couple of new comments, so I visited the stats page I usually post screenshots of to see where traffic's been focused this week.

Y'all. Traffic this week has been focused on April of 2014. When we were still in North Carolina. Most of the traffic's been semi-sequential, so I went ahead and hit the post with the new comments and tried to reply under this account. For whatever reason, Blogger isn't recognizing my Google account... On The Published Page of My Google/Blogger Blog. So I can't yet reply to the two new comments. Dammit, Google!

So instead of commenting, I just re-read most of my April 2014 posts. We were in the midst of selling selling selling our shit, and I was new at the whole blogging thing, and Aunt Gloria had just died. Damn.

So after feeling those feels, I went to the "Posts" page, to consider posting again. And THAT'S when I noticed my month-plus absence.

I apologize to any of my readers who read with any regularity. I've been grateful to be pretty damn busy, in industry. To the two newest commenters, I apologize for not reading your comments sooner, and for not replying on the post (as is my wont). I'll rectify that as soon as Google/Blogger allows me to.

And I apologize to the bloggers I've linked here ====>
since I've also not kept up in my reading. You may very well be both a reader of mine and a blogger I read, so our communication's been #PrettyDamnWonky of late. Yes, that's a legit hashtag! I just used it, and so can you! And then it'll trend, or something!

Ennyhoo. This isn't a real post, unless it is. I haven't forgotten about you, dear readers. I hope to post something a bit more "substantial" soon. I hope to get back into my good habits, and soon.

Is there anything you'd like me to talk about, "and soon"? Burning, pressing issues that have naught to do with the politisphere? Good, clean (maybe not-so-clean) fun topics to discuss? You know where to post that! (hint: comment below) :)

Wassup?

So, let's see...

• I left the pet supply store, which was only ever supposed to be a part-time gig. My boss is my friend, and while my presence was helpful initially, it became difficult to "hide" our friendship, and I never wanted to harm her career, so I left before any official "accusations" of favoritism arose (there were hints of leanings of complaints, even though she never treated me any differently on the floor than anyone else on the staff). Better to leave on good terms than to damage her career or our friendship.
• I booked a good bit of set work following that, so as far as my unemployment claim is concerned, I "quit" the part-time gig because of scheduling conflicts with MY career. However, the transition hasn't been completely uneventful. I've already had one phone interview with the unemployment offices, and I've got another one scheduled, to continue my eligibility to collect. Not that we're worried about it - in the past two-week claim period, I'm only eligible to collect a whopping nine bucks! Yep, I'm #Blessed
• Stephen got promoted to "Bench Assistant Store Manager", which was supposed to be "2nd Banana" to the "official" ASM at his particular store. It hasn't worked out that way, though. The "official" ASM has been dealing with some weird health issues ever since he got promoted, and those health issues have rolled into Stephen's promotion. Which means Stephen's "learning curve" in the new position has been more of a "learning cliff" (nothing like being thrown into the deep end of the pool to learn to swim, or possibly exactly like that). He's doing great. Yep, he's also #Blessed
• I was planning to participate in the #March4OurLives yesterday (Saturday the 24th of March), but wouldn't ya know it? I got #BOOKED for work on set! W00t W00t!
• Went to bed pretty early yesterday; got up pretty early today, after a great night's sleep. Today, I went to a reading and signing event at a bookstore in Pasadena, because Anne Wheaton wrote a children's book! I had to buy the book, of course. I had to get her to sign it, of course. It's a sweet/bittersweet little tale, and I had to offer to record the audiobook, of course. She had to hire her famous husband to record it though. Of course. Oh, well. I look forward to hearing it.
• Gonna hit the sack pretty early again tonight, because I have to greet #DawnsTrampStamp again tomorrow... because I am, of course, #BOOKED. It's a recall situation for a feature; I'm carpooling with a co-worker; we know what to expect already. #LoveMyLife #SetLifeRocks

How's thangs in YOUR life? Are YOU #Blessed? Wassup?

Work Work Work (YAY!!!!!!!!!)

All righty, kiddos. I've been bizzy. Even when I haven't been bizzy, I've still felt pretty productive. So let's see. What's been up with me?

At the top of the month (just, ya know, by date, not necessarily ranked "the top"), I walked over to the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences for a screening, Q&A, and reception for a Netflix show you should definitely binge-watch, "American Vandal". It's a high school drama mockumentary, and it's pretty damn funny. It takes itself pretty seriously, which may very well contribute to the funny. Also, the Q&A was moderated by Marcia Clark. Yes, THAT Marcia Clark. And the reception was pretty spectacular. Open bar, amazing salads and hot entrees, and plenty of phallic desserts. If you watch the show, you'll "get" why the desserts were specifically selected. I mingled/networked there, and met a producer/actor chick from New York who was here for meetings but also had screenings and other things in place. Kewl.

Then I worked my last weekend at the pet supply store. My presence there was making my boss' professional life difficult, in that there were rumors of favoritism being shown to me (never happened, but my "real" career is sufficient excuse to leave retail, so it was bittersweet but necessary for me to go).

Then I worked in the VO Lab and ran into producer/actor chick from New York in a VO workout group. Crazy, huh? Then I didn't see her again but know she was present the next night at a screening downtown for a film you should definitely see, called "The Death of Stalin". There was no Q&A that night, but there was supposedly a reception, so I took the subway downtown, rather than driving and having to look for parking or whatever. I saw Jason Isaacs (yes, that Jason Isaacs) in the lobby of that gorgeous theater both before and after the screening. The premiere had a live orchestra playing the score throughout, so there were definitely bits that I missed. I never did find any actual reception (beyond the numerous cash bars), and since my +1 was at work, I felt too out of my element to attempt to mingle/network, so I made my way back to the subway to go home. A little adventuring, downtown on a weeknight! The movie was good, though. Very funny, considering the title.

Then I was on set with my friend Jim Beaver (yes, that Jim Beaver), and that was both a nice little catch-up with a friend I hadn't seen in person in ages (he thought I was still in NC) AND a lovely day of WORK! Then I had a phone call with the unemployment office that was scarifying in its timing (I just QUIT working the retail gig, remember?). And then I did some tax-time bookkeeping for the lady I do that for.

On Monday of this week, I worked on the Warner Bros. lot again. So of course, I gave a walking lot tour to another bg artist, because I could. Then today, I did an improvisation workshop at the SAG-AFTRA offices (because I could). And tomorrow, I'm back on the set of a popular, long-running medical drama (recall, baby! BooYah!)!

Stephen's gotten himself another promotion, and we've seen his first paycheck at his new pay grade. We are not hurting, kids. I'm getting our debts paid down or off, and it feels like we live in Fat City. #Blessed. Oh, and when I was working that Craft Services week, my producer had to move my car one day, and in so doing, he scratched/scraped/dented the right rear quarter panel and bumper... so my TARDIS is currently in the shop, getting smaller-on-the-outside fixed up, and I'm driving a brand-spanking-new white Honda Civic. I don't hate it, but I certainly don't love it. It's too big. But I should get my TARDIS back by Monday at the latest, if it's not ready by Saturday, which is what the dude is shooting for.

I've been bizzy! Whatchoo been up to?

What Have You (I) Done For Me Lately? Oooh, ooohooh, oooh, Yeah!

No, I don't expect you to have done anything for me lately. I DO expect ME to have done stuff for me lately.

In my latest blog-reading ==>,
I've found that some of the writers are talking about their penchant for people-pleasing, to the detriment of self-care. You should know the following about me already, but just in case you don't,

• I have reached the point in my life where I have zero fucks to give regarding someone else's requests, unless the fulfillment of them will ultimately please me, too.

This is not to say that I am uncaring, or heartless, or selfish. If your request of me is something related to work that I'm already doing for you, I'm not going to neglect to do my job simply because a specific task would be unpleasant.

I'm talking about putting myself in situations with people I don't know very well, offering to be helpful, and then being asked to do things that are completely beyond my scope. If I haven't already expressed at least a vague interest in this "new" thing, why would you think that I'll succeed in my first attempt? When I do anything "new", I like to get enough practice in before doing it for someone else, because I JUDGE MYSELF, and even if it's not a competition, I still want to "win".

• Don't even get me started on "competitions"

So, if you are close enough in my circle that you care about my feelings and you know I care about yours, you can be damn sure I'm going to give your request careful consideration, and if I choose to attempt whatever it is, I'm going to do my absolute best to not let you down. But I might just say "no". Because if, after careful consideration, I don't see myself succeeding, I know that my own judgment of myself will be bad enough that I just don't want to face it. It may be selfish of me to refuse you. But if you care about me at all, then you'll recognize that I'm not refusing out of stubbornness or meanness. It's self-care. I'm taking care of myself.

And if the thing you're requesting of me is something you already love doing, then why not a) do it yourself, or b) join me/teach me the task? If your request is to get me to love it as much as you do, why not share your enthusiasm? So that if I do end up loving the thing as much as you do, then we leave the whole situation with a new commonality?

If you are not close enough in my circle to care about my feelings and/or you don't think I care about yours, then just don't even try. My need to feel good about myself does not extend to trying to impress you. I have zero fucks to give to "impressing" anyone.

All this, just because some of the bloggers I read ==>

have recently expressed being people-pleasers, and how it's messing with their anxiety or whatever, when the people aren't pleased, or when the situation/task isn't personally pleasing for them. The more we "broken"* people remember to stand up for our own feelings, the better we'll be about self-care... and the more we can try new things, if asked with the right motivation... and the more we will expand our horizons.

*"broken" can mean Depressed, Anxious, Bi-Polar, "On the Spectrum", Noisy, Quiet, Extroverted, Introverted, Short, Tall, Fat, Skinny, NORMAL. Because there is no "normal". If you somehow don't identify as "broken", then I applaud you. If you do identify as "broken", then please be sure to exercise some self-care. Whatever that means for you.

I'm in the middle of doing some work. There's self-improvement/growth here; there's self-care here; there's no room for loathing or judgment. I'll try to keep you posted on my accomplishments, as I reach certain milestones. In the meantime, I'll just keep singing. Hit it, Janet!

Review. No Spoilers.

We walked over to our local Laemmle theater the other day (holy shit, was it only yesterday? wtf! Yes, "the other day" WAS, in fact, only yesterday!), to buy a "Laemmle Premiere Card" (prepaid "debit" card for a hundred bucks), which got us an immediate discount on both our tickets and our popcorn/drinks combo, and to see...

Black Panther!

Kids, as Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) movies go, this one is Ah. Maze. Ing. As fantasy movies (ya know, fictional characters in fictional places with extraordinary superhuman skilz, etc.) go, this one is Top Fucking Notch. You Should See It.

I'm honestly not sure, if you haven't been following the MCU, whether this movie works as a standalone. I mean, I think it does. We who've been following the MCU were previously introduced to the title character and his dad. Everyone Else is "new" to us, which means the entire plot is brand new, and therefore, works as a standalone movie. So go see it.

It touches on all of the current social issues. It covers racism, feminism, warmongering, weapons and tech, and general badassery. Okay, fine, general badassery is not a current social issue. But it's pretty damn awesome that the Royal Guard are entirely female, hitting both the feminism and general badassery buttons.

If any of the above is shit you care about, how is it possible you haven't yet seen this movie? Doooo. Eeeeeeeet.

Are you happy for me, or feeling neglected?

I can't believe that my last post was urging me to post more regularly, and here I am, nearly an entire month later, just getting back to you. What a dolt I am! So Sorry!

I've been busy. Lemme just check the ol' Android calendar real quick, so I can tell you what kind of nonsense I've been up to...

• I finished my training at the pet supply store
• I networked with like-minded people (I thought I was getting an agent. Apparently, I am not)
• I learned about New Media actor contracts
• I worked on set! (BG on a show that's been created from a film, or possibly vice-versa. I don't remember. When it finally sees the light of day, I'm not the target audience, so I probably won't look for myself in it, or even look for it)
• I celebrated my volunteerism with other volunteers... also, we memorialized a fallen member, a dude who'd volunteered a LOT and then, for whatever reason, dropped dead of a heart attack, much too young.
• I worked on set for a full week! (Craft Services, which I have said numerous times I'll never do again, only my buddy knew I was reliable and could handle it and was willing to pay me a reasonable wage... I'll work for him Every Time he needs me. I just hope he never needs me for Craft Services EVER again!)
• I went to another workshop to learn my VO software, now that I have the appropriate microphone and headphones (yes, kids. I bought the hardware. Yay, me!)
• I worked on set, two consecutive days! (BG on two different shows. I could easily get recalled on the regular for the first one; I could easily get lots of "focused" screen time on the second one - not that I care one whit about screen time)
• I worked at the pet supply store, and have put in notice to no longer work there. I failed my "Secret Shop" and there are grumblings at corporate that my boss is playing favorites with me. I don't want to jeopardize her career, and I was only ever really hired to help her out, so I'm stepping down. I have one more weekend, and then Stephen will just have to bring home all of the retail pet supply store bacon (and supplies bought on his employee discount).

But also, Stephen Got A Promotion! Woo Hoo and W00t W00t! He is now, officially, as of today, the "Bench" Assistant Store Manager at his branch in Burbank. We're both awfully pleased. He totally deserves this promotion, and it will definitely ease the "burden" that I've just placed on our finances by stepping down, just in case my industry doesn't keep me steadily employed. Not that I'm the least bit worried about that. I think I'm planning to put an application in at two of my local TJ's this week, just to feel those waters out.

So. Are you happy for me, or still feeling neglected? I have a buncha blogs to catch up on this week, but I'm pretty psyched about life in general, these days.

I have GOT to get back to a "schedule"

I miss you guys when I'm not here. I wonder if you're here, wondering where the hell I am? Or don't you miss me back?

Wait. Now I haz a sad (as the kids say, or maybe as the kids said. I'm sure that one's so last year, which is kinda so five minutes ago, which is really to say that ... don't mind me.)

*I am not hip, nor a hipster. I just sometimes play one on tv.*

("My" show will premiere on Tuesday, March 6th. On NBC. Or some NBC affiliate. I dunno. I have no idea where it will premiere. I also have no idea how clearly or how often you'll actually see ME, either.)

So ennyhoo. I needed a check-in, so this post is like the entire series of Seinfeld. If you never watched Seinfeld, CONGRATULATIONS! I wish I hadn't. Not that I watched it on purpose, or anything.

Um, back to checking in!

In the last week, I've walked somewhere in the 'hood of 40,000 steps. I've been to my retail pet supply store for work. I've been to a W&W (wages and working {conditions}) Caucus at the SAG-AFTRA offices. I've finalized which microphone and headphones I'm ordering. I've completed my taxes but not yet filed. I've requested an address change and a re-printed w-2 from Sony, for the residuals I earned last year for that one episode of that one show I got upgraded on. I've shredded 3 years of old files. I've been grocery shopping. I've done a little cooking. I've run the dishwasher a few times. I've taken some trash out and checked the mail on more than one occasion. I've caught up on the blogs that I read. I've watched movies and shows that we watch. I've spent some time on Twitter. I've played plenty of Sudoku and Magic (Jigsaw) Puzzles on my phone, and Mahjohnng and Solitaire on my computer. I've paid bills. I've contemplated Life, the Universe, and Everything. I've continued to feed the cats something better. I've started building a new kitten from Smokey's fur (okay, no, I just used the FurminatorTM on him).

I've talked to Daddy on the daily. I've BLOGGED (well, today)!

Tomorrow and into next week, I'll (hopefully) complete some of the above-listed incompletes, I'll repeat some of the repeatables, and maybe I'll do some new stuff, too. Like, Get Back On Set. I've been away far too long. It is TIME.

How was your January? Did you make resolutions? Are you keeping them? Doing anything new, or SSDD? Tell me. I wanna know!

*Same Shit, Different Day

Did you know you could be PRODUCTIVE even on "just farting around" days?

I've only just fired the old service and signed up for the new one, so I had no expectations I'd be working today. I will have my weekend pet supply store days, and then, next Wednesday, I'll finish up my training there, so my weekday schedule is mostly open for industry gigs. And I'll probably order the mic and headphones soon, so that'll give me another industry kick-in-the-pants boost.

But what to do on days like today, when nothing's actually scheduled?

Go adventuring with your boss-lady, of course!

Normally, she'll come to me and park in our garage, and then the two of us will venture out to Costco or IKEA, and eventually, a slice of pie and a cuppa. Today, we didn't want to spend much money, because I'd paid for a new camera for her, and she wanted to focus her fundage on repaying me, so she could start using it.

So when she got here, we decided to take the camera out for a little walk. We found lots of interesting things to photograph, and she was really enjoying her compositions. We knew we'd need to swing by her bank, and my phone told me it was only a coupla miles away, so we decided to just walk and take more pictures.

By the time we reached the bank, the beverages we'd consumed at the start of our adventure were ready to flush, so we packed the camera up and started looking for facilities. Took care of that business, and then she took care of her banking business, and for the walk home, we detoured into the nearby electronics store, for shits and giggles.

By the time we were back to the apartment, we'd decided we were too hot and sweaty to detour via Republic of Pie. We got in, cooled off, took my car to my bank and a local grocer (she needed walnuts IN THE SHELL for her birds), and once parked, walked over to Pie. The sun was no longer burny and directly overhead, so at that point, I was actually getting cold. So we enjoyed our warm beverages, walked back to where I'd parked, and came back home.

Remember when I said I'm going to try to walk 5k steps a day again? Did you NOT read yesterday's post? Sheesh! Keep up!

Three Good Things:

1. the camera is amazing, and just "shits and giggles" pics are really phenomenal. I'm so happy and grateful to have had the available credit to be able to cover the cost, as a loan. She loves it, and I love my contribution to her creative spark.
2. we walked in excess of 17k steps today! >7.5 miles covered on foot! I am so happy and grateful to have had a good "breathing" day, giving me the strength to cover so much ground on foot. I tripled a goal!
3. we spent very little money today, and we're both tired enough to sleep early. I am so happy and grateful for all the little things I was able to manifest in my life today. I was productive, just farting around!

Are you able to find productive ways of farting around? Or do you have so little downtime that you just relish in non-productive farting around days (I'm not judging you - I have too much downtime, as you know)? Tell me!

Weekly(-ish) check-in

Here's where I stand on the #CheckThatBox list:

• email being crafted right now... in my head... I don't really want to call, because #reasons. But when Stephen gets home from work, I'm hoping he doesn't have to rush straight off to bed, so he can help me be CLEAR without being passive-aggressive (the email I'm currently crafting is sooooo passive-aggressive!)
• #CheckThatBox! Done, today! Here's a couple of the photos we took:

"formal"

"hipster"

• #UnCheckThatBox. According to new/old calling service, there's only ONE additional casting company on the list that needs my registration. ALL of the rest of them book based on what the service offers, meaning, they peruse the service's database and load who/what they're looking for "into the cart". So I'll register with the ONE company, and keep putting #GoodVibes out there that the rest will want to add me to the cart! A Lot! (I could use your #GoodVibes for that, too)
• #Done. They only seem to have time for a chat on weekends, and as you all know, I'm currently #BookedSolid for my weekends, until further notice
• #SemiChecked. I was over at the SAG-AFTRA offices today, and I was able to get the director of the VO Lab to #JustTellMeWhatIWantAlready. He gave me his top 3 picks for "best bang for my buck" mics and only one choice for headphones. No, the noise-cancelling Sonys I found for 50 bux at Best Buy won't do. However, the headphones aren't much more expensive than that, and the mics are all quite reasonable. And it's all available on Amazon Prime. I'll be placing that order in the coming week, I expect, so definitely, "within a month", I will have #CheckedThatBox
• #SemiChecked. I've looked at tablets at Costco and Best Buy, and Stephen has looked at appropriate software and sent me the link to do that. Probably "within a month". Yeah.
• Well, I would've done, but there haven't been quite as many opportunities as there were before the SAG Awards. I forgot to vote, y'all. Not that any of the winners would've been unwon by my choices (I actually picked all of the winners, I think). There've been a few opportunities that I have said "yes" to, but the only one I scheduled got cancelled by me because it was supposed to have been yesterday, and I got called in to the pet supply store for more training, so there's that.
• #CheckThatBox, I think. There were one or two pretty chilly days where I only went to the mailbox or the dumpster or both, but I still managed to get off the couch. I realized yesterday that I actually enjoy hitting 10k steps in a day, and since I'm still wearing the non-Fitbit thingy, I think I'll change this challenge to Take At Least 5000 steps. Somewhere. Anywhere. Doesn't Matter. Get off the couch and go for a little walk. Push yourself, ya lazy bum! (That's me, not you. I mean, you might be a lazy bum, but I wouldn't know it)

So there ya have it. I think I'll add

• post more frequently than weekly. Find a reason to check in. Review some shit. Talk about work. Talk about my adventures. Do something here, for you, my readers
• go back to the Y. I'm paying for this gym membership, y'all. I should probably use the damn facilities, dontchathink?

I know you're wondering

... have I been doing the things I said I would? Have I checked off the boxes?

Um.

I've managed to find a reason to get out of the house every day. One week ago, I did my monthly bookkeeping thang. I went to my pet supply store job on Saturday and Sunday. On Monday, I went adventuring with my boss-lady. Yesterday, I narrated a feature-length student film script at a table read (everyone else read specific characters; I read slug lines and scene descriptions and directions). Today, I went to a day-long training session at the pet supply store (I've been there five months now, and this was my first "class").

The only day "missing" is last Thursday. That must have been the day I did some grocery shopping, and electronics pricing while I was out. Tomorrow, I'll ...

Um.

I dunno what I'll do! Revisit my list, and maybe shop for a microphone and headphones! I think my gas tank is ready to be filled, so maybe I'll do a non-shopping #WalkingSamplingLunch at Costco. Get some steps in. I got/replied to an email about a potential other student filmmaker's gig. Maybe I'll book that. Be grateful. For whatever.

Something, though. I'ma do something. One of these days, all these something's are gonna add up to a big thing. I can feel it. Can you?

Grateful for Growth

Y'all remember how upset I was about missing a day of work in December? I was seriously hashtag PISSED. (I know, that's not the way hashtags work)

Flash forward to approximately a month of not working on set (yesterday), having looked into expanding my VO career; having looked into getting the appropriate hardware and software to expand my Scripty career; having been contacted by potential theatrical representation; having continued my weekend gig at the pet supply store and filed my new unemployment claim; having pushed myself (just a teensy bit) towards personal growth.

Are ya with me? In the last month, I did a lot of "personal growth" stuff, but continued to not work on set as a background actor. Yesterday was a fateful "growth" day. I received an email from Central Casting, informing me that I had Broken The Rules by missing that day. My "penalty" would be a one-month suspension, effective This Past Monday. Not effective "immediately", as of the missed day. No. The last month of not working wouldn't count in my favor. I've got a month ahead of me to not work for Central. There was an email address to which I could "appeal" my case, so I did that.

No matter the outcome of my appeal, I have some action steps to take in the upcoming month. I'm grateful for the timing of the email, and for where I am in life (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually). I may choose to check off all of these steps, or I may only check off one or two, which lead me onto a different path. Here are my options:

• Fire my calling service. They weren't really "serving" me very well, when they placed the onus of knowing I was booked on me, without getting confirmation. - I'll decide on this one in a week or so, I think. Currently leaning towards #CheckThatBox
• Find a new calling service. I had one that was slightly more costly, back in the day, but I never had problems with them, professionally. - If I fire the other one, I'll likely go back to my original
• Sign up with additional background casting companies - Why not? #CheckThatBox, at least two companies per week
• Follow up with the theatrical agent. - I lose nothing by doing this, so even though I haven't yet done it, I WILL #CheckThatBox, today (probably).
• Shop for and buy hardware for my computer to increase my VO possibilities. This means a microphone and headphones to connect to the software I already have -  I can afford this. Within a month, I WILL #CheckThatBox
• Shop for and buy the hardware and software I need to "go digital" as a Script Supervisor (a touchscreen tablet, since my laptop screen is non-functional, and probably something as simple as Adobe, so I can work inside of .pdf files) - Why not? Probably also within a month, I will #CheckThatBox
• Continue volunteering over at the SAG-AFTRA offices. I now have plenty of time on my hands, so yeah. #CheckThatBox
• Find a reason to get out of the house, daily. Even if it's just taking out trash or checking the mail, I still need to do it. It's not healthy for me to sit on the couch all day, every day. It's probably not healthy for you, either. So won't you do this as well? Let's get some steps in! #CheckThatBox

I died on Sunday

Well, no, I didn't actually die. I wanted to, though. I was awakened by my stomach at five unGodly fifteen o'clock in the morning, and between trips to the bathroom, I slept. Ish.

I was scheduled to work at the pet supply store. I sent a text message to my boss to give her a heads-up. Via text, we agreed that I should attempt to come in an hour or two late for my scheduled shift, if I was up for it.

By the time that hour or two had passed and was rearing its ugly head for me to make a decision, I'd been in the bathroom two or three more times and slept some more. When I was awake enough to make a decision, it looked like she'd already made arrangements to cover my shift. #YaySickTime

In my opinion, there are two types of people in this world: those who call out of work when sick, and those who go in despite the distinct possibility that they'll infect everyone they encounter. I am pretty securely ensconced in the former camp. Granted, I will do everything in my power to be well enough to go in, but if that ain't happening, I'ma Stay My Ass At Home.

Yes, I had a lot of physical discomfort. Not that there was anything in my system, but whatever was there wanted out, via mouthhole or butthole. Once or twice, it wanted out via both simultaneously. *Plan ahead, kids. You don't want to vomit or shit on your bathroom rug. You want an appropriate receptacle to purge into, if this happens to you.* When that happened, I spewed into my hand a couple of times before I was able to unleash the fury of my upper GI tract into the toilet. I was miserable.

Once I'd been released from my work obligation, I was able to sleep in longer stretches, and get up in short bursts to attempt to be vertical. I was unsuccessful in my verticality on Sunday. I'd make it as far as the bathroom floor or the toilet, or maybe out to the kitchen to brew some hot mint tea (which didn't stay down) or mix up some electrolytes in water (which did, thankfully), or maybe as far as the couch (on which I balled up, because it was all I could do). My non-Fitbit thingy recorded a lot of naps and very few steps.

I did not go online at all. I played Sudoku and did jigsaw puzzles on my phone, while my phone had any charge. I plugged the phone in and slept when it didn't. I called Daddy. He tried to instruct me on what to eat to feel better, and he also indicated that there's a major flu epidemic raging through SoCal. I don't think I had the flu. I dunno what I had, besides extreme GI distress and a low-grade fever. And chills. And dizziness. And boredom.

My Sunday sucked, y'all. But I felt significantly better after sleeping through the night, after Stephen brought me chicken soup and saltines from Denny's, after I finally took some ibuprofen for my headache/fever. Yeah, I had a headache, too. Probably because I didn't take anything to bring down my fever and also starvation, mayhaps.

Monday I was back to my standard difficulty breathing, because the weather changed on us but good. Rained all day yesterday. Rained most of today. I sure hope it's not raining when Stephen has to come home from work. For the most part, I seem to be back to myself. I'm not dead yet.

I think I'll go for a walk. I feel happy! I feel ... happy!

New Year, New Stats?

In the past "now", day, week, and month, my readership in Poland is goin' nuts. I dunno if Google or Blogger/Blogspot or someone is having a contest or something? But in the past two hours, day, week, and month, my US and Ukraine readers Have Not Equaled my Poland readers.

This isn't so much a "welcome" post as a "congrats?" post. Thank you for reading me, Poland. Might you comment below to tell me what's bringing you here? Or causing you to return? I don't feel like I'm that "interesting" to read. Obviously, I'm wrong, and I'm okay with that. But I'm also dying of curiosity. What have I done to attract such a large readership in Poland? Or Ukraine, for that matter?

Here's what I'm talkin' about:

"now" (last two hours)

day

week

month

 There's still A Lot of reading to be done, to catch up for "all time", but at the rate you've been reading me in the last month, I'd say it's possible to knock my own country out of this top spot in 2018. Challenge, perhaps? It's certainly a challenge for me, if I discover what's bringing you here!

all time