Body-shaming, revisited

This morning (afternoon? I forget, because it's Sunday and I haven't had a schedule today), I saw a casting call for some background work I'm willing to do. It indicated that the "role" would be "stripper" but that it would not involve removing clothing or dancing, per se... they just wanted some hot scantily-clad chicks in a party scene. I'm feeling pretty good about myself, lately, so I jumped in the shower and tried to decide what I would wear in the photo I needed to submit.

But then I asked Stephen something like that dreaded question, "Do I look fat in this dress?"

*****

Hang ON, people! Don't jump to the conclusion that STEPHEN body-shamed me! He did NOT! Whew!

What I asked him, specifically, was to put on his Actor Hat, and from the POV of a casting director who did not have a thirty-year history with me, would he book me, hot as I am, for someone 18-30? He never touched the issue of my figure. He focused on AGE, because that was what I was asking about.

We agreed that, if the post had said, "18 - 30's" that I should go ahead and submit. But because it said "18 - 30" that really what they were looking for was "no one older than 27". So I got dressed in some cute clothes and didn't take the picture and didn't worry about submitting. But after I got dressed, I realized that I still do judge myself, sometimes unrealistically.

wearing the EXACT SAME top I wore to Costco before Labor Day!

While I know I no longer have my 30-year-old body, I'm not particularly unhappy with the one I have at present... so I made ice cream tonight! Coconut cream -based, with strawberries and blueberries. YUM!

*****

The following two pics are mostly for you bloggers out there... don't we all just want to share our "BEST" selves? Isn't that a crazy thought? Why shouldn't we just share our REAL selves, for better or worse?

a PHOTO of the potential PHOTOS
 (because I couldn't reach the
 "take snapshot" button on the webcam
with my finger or toe to get
my BELLY in the same frame with my FACE)

what I go through to get you kids a good picture!
 This is just a "print screen" cropped in Paint.net

*****

Welcome BACK, China! It's been awhile!

workin' tomorrow

...lots of people, but it's a pilot, so maybe I have a shot at a recall sitch?

... 10 a.m. call time and the distinct possibility of horrible parking, so...

G'Nite, Kids!

Yeah, we had a fight, but we're MUCH better now!

You may or may not know that Stephen and I have been not-quite-properly communicating. What I know that you DO know is that I had a job that I liked pretty well but left for reasons, and that he's been working part-time at a pet supply store.

He's been spending his not-at-work time writing, and looking for either a better-paying or better-hours job. I've been spending my not-at-work time looking for more work, too. We're both looking for more work, pretty much all the time.

But for the past few months now, we haven't actually been telling each other about our specific successes or failures. I've come home from a day of bookkeeping, and there's not much to say, other than ___ ? Really, what is there to say at the end of a day of bookkeeping?

What's there to say at the end of a day of selling pet supplies, or watching a game show taping, or any of the variety of gigs we've had in the past few months?

When we moved TO North Carolina, we went for "reasons". While we were there, our work prospects were limited or weird or depressing or all of the above. Also while in NC, I went through a depression or two, and Stephen did what he could to help me find my way back to the light.

I've been depressed, a time or twelve. I know that

Get this ornament or other's at Jenny Lawson's store: http://www.zazzle.com/depression_lies-256958805936007239

I know that when I think that No One Wants Me or that I'm Worthless, it's simply the Depression Lying. Stephen may have "known" these things, too, while I was depressed. He may have tried to remind me, at the time, that I wasn't really "worthless" or "unwanted" and that it was just my feelings. And eventually, my depression would clear, and I would see the Truth, and things would improve all around.

Then we decided to come back to California, for "reasons". It took awhile and many submissions for me to book all of the various work that I booked, including background acting, audience work, restaurant work, and the gig at the dance studio. It took awhile and many submissions for Stephen to get the job he's got, and he's still got feelers out for "something better".

Meanwhile, he's still grieving. Not only the loss of his father, but also the loss of the family who didn't need us as much as we expected them to, and for whom we moved in the first place!

So today, it all came to a head. It started with something stupid, as all important fights do. But it definitely blew into epic proportions and it took us staying in the same room for the duration, no matter which one of us wanted to leave or how many times, to get to the point: Stephen is suffering from Depression, and Depression Lies.

We're going to do whatever we can to work through it, but the key is that we now both know what's happening. We're going to get him back to his sunshine and happiness, and when we do, he'll have the job he's meant to have, and he'll still have plenty of time to write and to read.

If you have a personal "story" regarding Depression, feel free to comment here. If you have a personal relationship with Stephen, won't you please reach out to him in some way? I know (from my own personal experience) that he could use someone to talk to about what's going on.

I got kicked out of Facebook because of a troll.

The day after I left my job at the dance studio, I went to a mixer of film folks. You know this, because I mentioned it. I had posted this:
"I have five more days on my "job". Just wanted you to know, in case you're wondering whether I'll be available for a "gig" anytime soon, the answer is a resounding YES. As of Saturday the 28th, I am available for one day or a fundred. Message me! Let's get to work!" 
on a group page that I'm a member of.  One of the primary conversations we had at the mixer was about a bitch that had complained as a comment on that post that a: my post was unprofessional and b: what kind of name is "Showbiz"?

So today, after running around depositing paychecks, etc., I got back to my computer to find that I had been logged out of Facebook. Okay, whatevs. But then I discovered I was LOCKED out of Facebook, because "Showbiz Emelle" is not my "authentic" name, and wouldn't I please confirm my identity, or change my name to my "authentic" name?

Since we all know how important it is to interact with the "friends" we have by using the names we know each other as, I went ahead and changed my name.

Locked out no more. See ya,

Troll! I mean, um, what was your real name? Oh, that's right - Bitchy Troll!

Alone (-ish) today

... and frankly, it was kinda glorious, in its own weird way!

Stephen went to work early today (8:30), which meant Geoff left early, too. The only thing on MY plate was at least one load of laundry, so I got up shortly after they left (they're pretty quiet in the mornings, but between the natural door closing noise and my bladder, I usually get up right after they leave, if they leave earlyish).

Laundry was fun (and by fun, I mean "what a pain in the ass it is to try to get this all done on a weekend day!"), between not having a key to the locked laundry room, and one of the washers being unplugged, and neighbors hogging the remaining two washers OR holding my drying clothes hostage by closing the door in the middle of the day. But I managed to get through it all, and I didn't go online and I didn't put on corrective lenses for most of the day.

Then the boys came home, for like, oh, I dunno, half an hour? which was really rather pleasant for me. Then I did some more eye exercises (oh, yeah, I'm working on correcting my vision naturally again, because reasons) and headed out to see if the folks at the car dealership could help me program more phone numbers into my Bluetooth thingamobob in Timey Wimey, and also to grab another gallon of milk, since we were out.

The guy who sold me the car had me pair the car with his phone, which of course was going to work, because it's a new phone, and it has that little "i" in front of it that all things Bluetooth bow down to and sacrifice their firstborn to and whatnot... but we couldn't get it to "read" my phonebook, even though it recognized that it was a compatible phone, albeit not an "i". So I went across the street to the service department.

They had me pull up to the front of the line, even though it was help and possibly an education I sought, rather than "some technician servicing my vehicle". The young lady who greeted me (was it Joanna? possibly) was as helpful as she could be, but with both the "quick-start" manual and the full manual to guide us, neither of us could understand the error message. She had me pull forward (out of the "I'm here for service" line) into the actual servicing garage, and she left me parked on the side there, looking at my "real" manual, while she searched for some really tech-savvy grunt guru.

I tried some things, and lo and behold, the car started reading my phone book again! So I re-programmed a bunch of numbers, and for whatever reason, it would not allow me to store Trader Joe's in the speed-dial, no matter which slot I tried to store it in. I had previously stored it by way of the phone number, back when it wasn't reading the phone book. I guess that's how I'll try to store it next time (like, tomorrow). In the meantime, I've still got 11 of my 20 allotted speed-dial spaces left - if you think you qualify as a "call me from the car" number, give me a shout-out here and I'll give it a try (Daddy, you're already in there, so no need to comment unless you feel like it).

Went to TJ's to pick up a few items. Got home after two hours of wearing corrective lenses and took 'em off again, to finish doing some eye exercises. Eventually went online and was planning to send the "are we on for tomorrow?" email to a lady I do bookkeeping gigs for, when Stephanie called to say she was finally feeling better, and shouldn't I ought to be getting in my car so she could see it in the daylight, already? So I forgot to send the email; put the glasses back on the face; headed out for adventures or something.

We mostly just tooled around her neighborhood so she could tell me how great the car is, and get all the gossip of how I ended up buying a car Just This Monday, anyway... when we found a "new" ice cream place in her neighborhood, and OMG, y'all, if you ever get a chance to try a treat at a Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream, you will NOT regret it! Mine was as dark a chocolate as you can create AND "wildberry lavender" (i.e. PURPLE), while Stephanie had the impossibly-dark chocolate with the buttercream mint (which SERIOUSLY tasted like an after-dinner mint). It's not cheap, by any stretch of the imagination, which is what makes it a treat. It was pretty crowded when we got there, but REALLY crowded by the time we were tasting... and they'll let you taste any number of flavors - we saw a chick with almost a dozen little spoons in her hand? - and they WASH the tasting spoons, as they are metal, not plastic). We each enjoyed our delights and then went back to Stephanie's place. When our conversation had "deteriorated" to a discussion of GMO's, I decided it was late enough to go home and get some rest... (and send that email, before it was already tomorrow, like it is NOW)

But of course, I had to come home to BLOG because all those hours (my whole day, seriously) of Not Turning On The Television At All For Any Reason Whatsoever was
Really
REALLY
REALLY

FABULOUS.

Happy (?) Tax Day!

Today, I stood in a ten-minute line at the Post Office so I could mail my tax return to North Carolina. I sent them the Very. Last. Two. Dollars. that I will ever contribute to the coffers of that state. If you live in North Carolina and you love it, my feelings about the state are no reflection on you. But I am personally DONE.

While I was out, I deposited a check and picked up some groceries. Just one bag of salad stuff, because Stephen figured he's been eating out with Geoff enough lately and not-walking-to-work enough lately that his system could use a healthy reboot. I'm all for it.

Got back and Stephen came down to the driveway to carry the bag of salad stuff upstairs and see my new car for the first time (in person). I haven't even had a chance to take anyone for a joyride yet, and I've already had it in my possession for two days now! Don't nobody love my bright yellow Timey Wimey but me?

C'mon, y'all. I don't wanna give her a complex. Y'all should be lining up and calling or whatever so I can cruise ya around in her! Maybe you need us to pick up a 4' tall potted tree from Lowe's? I can do that!

Stephen's at work, and Geoff's off somewhere writing or editing or something (doing the work that he does), and I'm booked for some audience work again tomorrow unless a background (or other!) gig throws itself in my lap. So tonight, I'll eat leftover lasagna, and maybe I'll find some trash tv or movie in the DVR queue to occupy myself.

Or maybe I'll just play Minesweeper. Don't worry, though. I haven't worn the contacts for a few days, and I think we deleted "Going Clear". Did you have a Happy Tax Day?

Awesome Day

Drove "Timey Wimey" to set today, a location I was familiar with from my Mad Men days, but via a different route (simply because I don't live in the same place I did during the Mad Men days). By the time I arrived at the location, I was averaging 45 mpg. Awesome.

Worked a good portion of the day, with a very friendly cast and crew, most of whom don't have their next gig lined up yet, but this gig ends on Friday. No word yet whether the show will be renewed, but the folks who work it regularly will be back if and when it does. They are a finely-tuned machine, much like my TARDIS.

During the course of the day, a group of us were strategically placed on a porch-like area, and the two stars were set to enter the building. The appropriate crew yelled "Rolling!" and our conversation didn't quite end quickly enough for the male lead, so he sent a "shush" in our general direction. Then "Action!" was called, and the two stars entered the building, and our little group had an incredibly quiet but also incredibly animated conversation about the "shushing". We took it as far as it could go in the short scene, and after "Cut!" was yelled, the star poked his head out the door and apologized. He APOLOGIZED! To the BACKGROUND! ... which really only gave us some more animated and quiet conversation, although I don't think we had any more takes from that angle. But what a spectacular moment, or series of moments. Awesome.

Had a fabulous lunch. Worked a little more. Hung out in "holding" until we were pretty deep into overtime. The Craft Services chick presented three birthday cakes and there was singing (I think for no one in particular but rather any member of the cast or crew whose birthday had not managed to align with the shooting schedule). One or two of the background went to get cake (not I - I have very strict rules about Eating Dessert First... When Dessert is "Worth" Eating At All). Got shuttled back to Base Camp (where the Wardrobe trailer and our cars were). Got signed out at 7:36. Got prevented from leaving Base Camp by 7:38. Hung out at the Wardrobe trailer until our Key Set PA was given the word on which of us would win the "get to keep working" Lotto. I had been featured with the Guest Star just a bit too much earlier in the day, so I won the "just made another hour of overtime for no personal effort" Lotto and was officially wrapped at 8:36. Awesome.

Left the lot in the wrong direction, and once I figured out the right direction, called Stephen to let him know I was on my way. From the Bluetooth configuration within Timey Wimey so that I only had to hit ONE button on the steering wheel (where my hands were already). Awesome.

Continued on my way and realized at some point that I was pretty geographically close to Stephanie's place, so I called HER. By pushing ONE button on the steering wheel (where my hands were already). She was home but had a bad cold, so I had to tell her about yesterday's adventures and today's adventures rather than showing her any of it... all the way up to the point where I was describing the backup camera - As I Was Parking, Using It - and then the phone died at the exact moment I shut off the engine. It hadn't occurred to me, prior to that point, that cutting off the radio might also disconnect the phone, but then again, I've made a total of four calls so far. But that wasn't it, anyway. The phone's battery had died; I hadn't given it a proper charge yesterday, as it was, so that was the end of that call - pretty perfect, since I had so much personal crap to carry upstairs anyway. Awesome.

Got my crap mostly put away, checked some internets, including my blog, and found that I had SIXTY-ONE Facebook notifications. Crap; that's gonna take awhile to wade through. Did it; got through it all; remembered that I wanted to fill you all in on my Awesome day...

and now we're all caught up! Awesome!

I was supposed to get my car smog-checked today

... and I also needed to file my unemployment claim (by fax, since I worked in NC in the last 18 months), as well as getting SAG-AFTRA to change my local (they have my address as Burbank but I keep getting audition notices for shit in Washington, DC) - also a fax. We don't have a landline phone attached to our all-in-one printer/scanner/copier, so faxing is something that requires a trip somewhere, and usually paying some idiot for the privilege of dialing a local phone number.

So I went to the Honda dealership. I wasn't planning to get the smog check done there, as they charge more than double what other stand-alone places do. Plus, I had a coupon for one of those stand-alones. The reason I went to the dealership was ... to see ... whether I shouldn't just trade in Ol' Faithful for ...

THIS!

The renewal on the Civic (behind Jerry) was late, but not yet "out of date"; the smog-check process isn't particularly fast (not that the Civic would've failed, mind you) and I've never had to have it done, since I've always had cars that were "new" in California. You get 6 years (from manufacture date) without having to go through the process, and even though the Civic is a 2008 and should have been "smogged" last year, we were in North Carolina, so they let us renew the plates with a one-year reprieve (we said we were coming back, which wasn't a lie).

Jerry, who treated me very well and
really didn't want his pic taken. Sorry, Dude.

Jerry and I took a test drive. I'd already indicated which Fit was for me, if there were a Fit for me. I got lucky in that the only Fit on the lot in yellow was also the only Fit on the lot with a manual transmission. But get this: SIX speeds instead of five. Rear camera (to change how I park). Bluetooth that paired easily with my old POS stupidphone. And TONS of cargo space - he showed me how the back seats lay completely flat (like the minivan we almost bought in NC) OR the seat itself can fold UP so you can carry a 4' potted tree in the back floorboard OR while the back is flat you can lay the passenger front seat flat and carry your surfboard (not that we surf or have any reason to tote a 4' potted tree - but we CAN).

The nearly-all-day process is complete!

I'm going to miss my sunroof, but he referred me to the place that does them for the dealership, and the price range seems perfectly reasonable. AND while he was searching for my registration and insurance docs in the Civic (because I had all of them except for the most current, donchaknow?), I got to use their fax machine. AND I found my insurance doc online. AND I booked work for tomorrow, on Castle! AND when I finally got home, my paycheck for the last gig was in the mailbox!

W00t! Super-cali-fragi-list-ick Productive Freakin' Day-Oh!

on not living in fear

mere moments ago, there was another earthquake "here". because, you know, california.

i know that "the big one" (reminiscent of northridge '94, i think) is coming... it's probably right around the corner... any day now, it's gonna hit, and those of us who weren't ready will be sorry.

maybe. we're currently living under drought conditions, and they still bring unasked-for water to the table in restaurants, even though it's been unlawful to do so for years. will we who choose to live in extreme drought and the threat of "the big" earthquake pack it all up and leave for someplace that's more conducive to "normal"? will we live our lives up until that moment of leaving in fear?

i can't speak for anyone else. i've lived elsewhere. i don't like it. i like it here. and i ain't afraid of no drought. or earthquake.

i heard that this one was a 3.5. that's pretty substantial. but here in burbank, we didn't feel it. didn't hear the truck rolling down the street, didn't notice any glassware shaking in its rack, the cats didn't move or meow or nuttin'.

i've had the pleasure of experiencing one earthquake, a few years ago. i was watching a movie on my pc, because i didn't have a tv at the time. i was seated on an exercise ball, at my desk, watching the movie. the exercise ball started rolling around the floor under my butt, and i heard the big truck roll down the street. when it was finished, i hopped up and ran out my front door, looking for someone to ask, "was that an earthquake?" because i wasn't sure until i read about it online. turns out it was, and a fairly substantial one. prior to that one, and since, i mostly sleep through 'em.

'cuz i love it here, and i ain't gonna live my life in fear.

Games and TV Create Violence

... or, I Had a Bad Dream Last Night.

1. Which title is more "eye-grabbing"? AND
2. Which title is actually more appropriate for this particular post?

*****

Yesterday morning, I put my contacts back on my eyes after several days' rest - my allergies have been horrible, so I've been wearing my glasses (and am wearing them right now) - and then I headed out. I met up with my lovely friend (who I've adopted as another niece) from the studio (I have no idea whether I'm allowed to use her name yet, so I shan't) for brunch and conversation. We were there forever (well, several hours, to be honest), and we had a lovely time.

When I got home, I did some important things in the computer that needed doing. Productivity. YAY.

When Stephen and Geoff got home, we'd all eaten something fairly late in the day, so we didn't have a meal together. This has been a free weekend of HBO and Showtime through DirecTV, so one of the things we'd put in the DVR was the documentary "Going Clear" (about Scientology). We were all interested to see what this documentary had to tell us that we either didn't know before, or that we'd thought we'd known before, or whatever. So we watched it.

I gotta say: Scientology is scary. And sad. And freaky weird. If you're a Scientologist who hasn't been "in" the "church" for long enough to know about Xenu, then you need to see this documentary before you yell at me for my opinion that I just stated. If you're a Scientologist who's been in it forever and are a true believer and can counter my opinion with some truth, then by all means, please comment below with your intelligent debate. If you are not a Scientologist but have any curiosity, like we did, about the truth of this "church", then watch the documentary. But be warned: it's scary, and sad, and freaky weird.

When we finished watching, we all felt a little "dirty", and Geoff decided that the best way for us to wash off that feeling was to go out for PIE. We went on an adventure and did eventually find PIE. We ate it, talked about the doc, and the "church", and what should happen now, and essentially washed off that "dirty" feeling. When we got back home, we all went back online and did the silly things that we do.

One of the silly things that I do is play the computer game

"Minesweeper".

 This is a very old game that I still enjoy, the point of which is to uncover all of the "clear" blocks and at the end, show all of the little black spots that I didn't hit. Played a few games; finished my online silliness; went to bed.

Two hours after I went to bed, I was in a deep, dreaming, mouth wide open and completely dried out state. In my dream, I was wrapping gifts with old wrapping paper that was pretty fragile, so I was trying to be careful not to tear it while wrapping. Then a woman with black spots for eyes took the roll of paper from me and began to bind my arms with it. I wasn't afraid of being bound by old wrapping paper. But I knew that her plan was to take a black Sharpie and blacken my irises... like the mines in Minesweeper. I started screaming "no no no no no no no..." but I couldn't produce a sound that I could hear, so the sleeping me (as opposed to the dreaming me) tried to physically produce a sound that I could hear. My mouth was completely dry, including my vocal cords, so I started flailing and eventually produced the sound that awoke both me and Stephen: "no no no no no no..."

His first reaction to my flailing, of course, was to try to gently wake me by holding me and telling me, "it's okay, I've got you" (or something along those lines). The only problem with that natural reaction was that now the dreaming me is being held by an unseen man who is saying "I've got you". So my flailing and calling out became even more violent. And I think it was my own voice that did eventually wake me.

So when I did awaken, I knew that it was a dream, and that it wasn't real, and that I wasn't in any danger. But my mouth was incredibly dry, so I had to work to moisten it, I had to work to calm my breathing, I had to work to get comfortable in my comfy bed, I had to work to assure Stephen that there was nothing he could do to help me, and I had to work to lie still enough that he could go back to sleep. That was a lot of work at 3:00 in the morning. So I mentally composed this blog post until I could drift back to sleep.

This is the first time I've had what I felt might qualify as "Night Terror" (as an adult). This is the first time (as an adult) I've remembered a dream nine hours later (without having talked about its content to anyone). This is the first time that I'm aware of that I can connect three distinct things from the day before to a violent dream.

If you wear contacts, don't play Minesweeper while watching "Going Clear". Jus' sayin'.

Last night, we went out for pie...

so today, I made a pizza pie!

Geoff's been taking us out PRN for things like coffee, pie, or full-on meals. He likes doing it, and he hadn't realized that we also kinda like making good stuff in our own kitchen.

Last night, he needed pie, and since I have yet to learn to make a banana cream (his fave) or coconut cream (his second fave and mine and Stephen's first fave) pie, we went out to our local all-night diner. They're close, geographically, and they have decent food at a good price, but never before last night have they had any pies in their dessert case, much less three servings of the coconut cream.  So that's what we had. Stephen had decaf coffee with his, and Geoff drank two glasses of milk over ice with his. I was personally unable to finish consuming my slice - whaddup widdat?

Today, no one had any real work to go to (although Geoff did get up early to write at the coffee shop, as is his wont). I did go hand out flyers at Central, but it hardly counts as work. More like exercise (I walk the two-mile round trip). Before I left, I pulled the Trader Joe's whole-wheat pizza dough out of the freezer and set it in the drain to "rest". When I got back, I started tinkering with the sauce I'd made last night (like adding a few of my frozen veggies), and plotting out the order of working the ingredients.

Used my stick blender to make the sauce possible for pizza, as opposed to chunky and whatnot for pasta. Cooked one large chicken thigh in the George Forman grill. Set three turkey meatballs in the grill after I was done cooking in it. Pulled some more veggies out of the freezer to either cut up or just add. At some point, I took a nice nap!

Got up from my nap and ate a quick eggroll so I wouldn't be starving while prepping the pie. Then I got to work, put it all together, and we ate it. It was good. Yes, I do say so myself!

Pre-bake (and yes, I did pre-bake the crust) -
I love rolling out to 18"!

Just waiting for me to cut it, Baby!

And now, Wine!

Eight things I will never do before I die

I'd been away from my own blogging for a long time, but I was away from reading other blogs for even longer. Holly writes one of my favorites, but I've only just now revisited her page. I really like this post, and so what follows is my own non-bucket list.

1. I will never bear a child. There was a time (a pretty long time, actually) when I wanted to be "just like Mommy" and have my three babies and raise them with adventurous experiences rather than things (not that we three didn't have things, but the stuff was never as important as the doings) and know that they'd do what they could to be a part of my life and miss me when I'm gone. It didn't happen when I was young enough for it to happen, and even though I've been on Depo-Provera for what feels like a biological eternity and I could possibly still have all of those eggs that never flushed themselves out of my body, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get off Depo long enough to find out whether there's anything viable there. I love the industry that I work in, and a pregnancy at my age would demolish any chance I have of succeeding in it. So, no kids for me.
2. I will (probably) never be financially wealthy. Again, with the industry I work in, my jobs are too diverse to become "rich and famous" at any one task. I play the Lotto from time to time, though, so that could "hit" and then I'd be set for life. It's not like it's a goal, though.
3. I will (probably) never be famous. See #2 regarding my career choices. The "probably" comes from the fact that I enjoy blogging, and who knows if somehow my readership grows to the point that I get regular comments from people I don't actually know, like from Russia or Ukraine or Malaysia or something? It could happen, of course, but again, not a goal. I mean, in the time that this post has been stewing, I've gained 21 new readers from Switzerland! Who knew?
4. I will never classify myself as a "filmmaker". I love being on set, and I love doing a film-related job for an appropriate wage. But the folks I know who use that term do. it. all. And I mean every job necessary to get a germ of an idea turned into something for an audience to watch. I don't have the germs of ideas, or the slightest inkling of how to take someone else's germs and make them watchable stuff. But you want me to Script Supervise or walk around in the background or wear a walkie and yell "rolling!" and "cut!" all day? You got it. I'm your girl. But a filmmaker I am not.
5. I will never enjoy bargain hunting. I know some folks, mostly women, yes, who love yard sales and thrift stores and even just outlet stores or department stores that are going out of business. They love knowing that the item they're holding out for was originally an eight hundred dollar piece and they're getting it for a cool fifty-seven. I don't wanna spend the fifty-seven. I don't wanna spend a nickel, if it isn't an item I'd been pining over for awhile already.
6. I will never pine awhile over material possessions. If there's something I want (like I really really want), then I'm going to find a way to justify its cost and get it within a reasonable timeframe. If it doesn't become a part of my life within that timeframe, I'm going to get over not having it. There isn't much stuff I need. See #1.
7. I will never bungee-jump. I would go skydiving or learn trapeze flying, if the opportunity presented itself. But I think the sensation of falling and then bouncing at the bottom is a little too similar, but multiplied to the nth degree, to that first big drop of a roller coaster. That first big drop is the extent of what my stomach will allow me.
8. I will never space travel. There was some "news" about the one-way flights to Mars being sold, and Stephen jokingly mentioned that he'd gotten me a ticket. Well, jokingly, except that jokes are funny. I was not amused. He was, so at least one of us enjoyed that exchange. The sad thing about my #8 is that I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a child. Somewhere along the lines, it became more about getting good science and math grades and less about the adventure. Oh, well. I'll just keep looking out for eclipses and whatnot and get my space fix from down here on the planet.

This post has taken me a few days to write, since I first read Holly's. If it inspires you to make your own list, won't you please link your list/post in the comments below? I'd love to hear from you.

Welcome, Switzerland!

In the past twenty-four hour period, everyone reading me from Switzerland has had a bigger impact than those reading from my home country (USA). Y'all have arrived in force, and I hope you'll feel welcome to peruse the archives and make yourselves at home.

Welcome!

Ah, "my" industry

I left my "real world" job last week. A week ago yesterday, to be exact, was my last day as an admin at the dance studio. Went out afterwards with some students because at that point, no one was breaking the "anti-fraternization" rule. Had fun, and then refocused my attention on the entertainment industry.

Stopped in after the drinking with students "party" to meet the 2nd AD on the production that was shooting next door to my apartment building. She told me how to get on their shoot. Filed that info away and then went to bed.

The next night was an industry mixer. Went to that, where Stephen indicated that I "held court" because I already had so many friends there. Good night; went back home, and went to bed.

On Sunday, I sent an email requesting to be booked on the right-next-door production.

On Monday, apparently all hell broke loose at Central Casting. They got hit with April Fools' Day early.

On Tuesday, no booking. Wah. Later, went with Geoff and Stephen for coffee, and updated my admin resume with the temp agency. Eavesdropped a convo wherein I was able to email that newly-updated resume to the chick I'd just been eavesdropping (she needed to replace a part-time personal assistant, and that's really the only "real world" job I'm suited for, I've found - still freelancing, you see).

On Wednesday, I distributed some flyers at Central for the company that helps me book gigs.

On Thursday, I went back to Central to attend the union "meet and greet" with the casting directors, and I stayed to update my photo in the system, since I'd drastically cut my hair since re-upping my registration in July. "Current" is always better than "a few months ago". There was an enrichment class later that afternoon that I could have attended, but I let other things intervene. I'd already walked there and back twice this week. I was tired of walking it.

Yesterday, Stephen left for work, and I booked a night shoot... at the mall where I used to work. Had plenty of important tasks to keep me busy until my call time, so I had a pretty productive day. Got to the mall; found where I was supposed to park; found where I was supposed to check in; got in line for "breakfast" and was back to the set by my 6 p.m. call time. Yes, I had bunless fish sliders with roasted vegetables and homemade potato chips for my 6 p.m. "breakfast".

We got in and got started working, and because it was a music video, the day didn't quite progress in a manner I'm used to. There was no call sheet with a scene breakdown; we couldn't anticipate doing 4 6/8 pages or 10 7/8 pages or five scenes or anything like a "theatrical" (film or television or web series) set is run. We just got started being placed and walking down the halls of the mall.

... and then I recognized the student in the front window of the studio. ... and then the entire staff of the studio was in the window, waving at me, and calling out to me from the doorway. I had a mini-break where I wasn't being used around the corner, so I approached for conversation. My former boss seemed genuinely excited to see me - in jeans, sneakers, and NO MAKEUP. The girl who I trained called out to me, jokingly, "hey, emelle, come help me with this report!" I explained that I had to get back, and they did the same. It was a bit awkward, but also, who could have predicted that my first day back would be in the exact same place that I had left, particularly since a primary reason for leaving was the commute?

It was a long night. That little moment was the last I saw of any of them, as the rest of the shoot took place downstairs. I was acutely aware of when they'd be having their dance party, but after that, I was focused on my reason for being there. We broke for "lunch" at midnight, and we just kept rotating shifts of who was working with who was "holding", and we kept changing our shirts so we could look like new people, and there was music and dancing and us, walking the mall.

The lunar eclipse was set to happen at our expected wrap time. I thought, "Finally, I'm going to get to watch one of these spectacular celestial events!" We wrapped half an hour after the blood moon did its thing. I got to see the first crescent reappear as I was heading out to my car, and by the time I got home, it had filled back up to about 3/4, but it was in my rearview for most of my drive, so I didn't really get to watch the progression.

Because today is Saturday and Stephen left for work at 8:40, I have slept in shifts. Two hours when I first got in, another two hours before the 12-year-old boy on the Autism Spectrum decided to tantrum at the top of his lungs for a solid ten minutes. I'm "up" now but I don't really know for how long. I have to drop off my rent on this holiday weekend, and I probably have a little grocery shopping to do, and I should eat my leftover seared ahi/seaweed salad and wasabi mashed potatoes (yes, that was my midnight "lunch") - so delicious, and I should get some more sleep. Right now, I'm doing all right.

I love my industry. It's so weirdly wonderful. I really hope that I get to do more and more in general, and not so much overnight.

Elysium?

It looked like it wanted to be a true, have-and-have-nots, good guys and bad guys, sci-fi, near-future action thriller.

And then they loaded it with fucking handheld camera work! I seriously hate that shit.

... altho,  I was surprised to see Jodie Foster again so close on the heels of her performance in "Flightplan". Liked that one much better, all around. Peter Sarsgaard; fantastic.

Currently watching "Grosse Pointe Blank" with Geoff (the houseguest) because it's one of his faves, and now catching the ending all alone since he just left to pick Stephen up from work, and we'll probably all watch it again and again before it gets returned to the library, anyway. Don't you love that the library has DVD's you can borrow for free? I certainly do!

Very much an odd night of movie watching, I must say. 'Sall good. Enjoy some movies yourself!

April Fools' Day has hit my computer

Every page I intentionally go to in my Chrome browser gives me ads for some bullshit PC security site. Every new tab that opens wants me to download or upload some new software or chat with a specialist or call a damn 800 number. I'm seeing little green circle redirects everywhere, including on my blog, and words that aren't normally hyperlinked appear to be hyperlinked.

If, when you read this, there are bunches of hyperlinked words and little green circle "arrows" on my page, PLEASE do not click them. I didn't put them here. In today's post, there are no photos, videos, or links to anything else.

There's even a "SEND (green circle arrow) feedback" box in the lower right of my screen, and if it's still there after I publish this post, I will click it to see if it allows me to "feedback" that I am unhappy with having my system hijacked!

If you happen to know the source of this hijacking, please comment to let me know where to send my feedback (or if I have to do a system restore or what). I haven't done anything new to my system lately, unless this happened after I reactivated Skype.