Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Is it possible to "cure" Depression?

As you may know, I have somehow managed to survive this past "winter" without any major or even minor-but-noticeable bouts of Depression. Mommy's Sadiversary passed mostly unnoticed. I mean, at some point, I did remember, but it's not like I was particularly morose. Stephen's Dad's Sadiversary passed, and I honestly don't remember if either one of us commented on it at all. I skipped Thanksgiving; Christmas was whatever; Mommy's birthday passed much like her Sadiversary. New Year's Eve/Day were "meh". We ALWAYS ignore Valentine's Day, because #StupidHallmarkHolidaysAreStupidHallmarkHolidays HashtagWhateverThatBritishDudeOnWhatcultureSaysForWankersAndThenRepeatsForWankers

The Ides of March... Saint Patrick's Day... Easter... Arbor Day?... Mother's Day... #MayTheFourthBeWithYou (Star Wars Day)... #AndAlsoWithYou (Standard Presbyterian Response Day)... Cinco de Mayo... essentially SPRING! and no S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder, a.k.a. Winter Depression)

Granted, I did my best to stay busy. I was on set as much as possible, but when am I not on set "as much as possible"? I did a lot of volunteering at the union offices. I went to a lot more meetings and seminars and whatnot (including the health fair) being hosted by the union and/or the Foundation. I've gotten involved, yo.

I bought VO equipment and have been using it (a little; probably not "enough"). I'm reading books about VO that I've checked out from the Lab's library. I seem to be the only one who even knows they exist for lending. I've talked about my "career" with whomever has any insight, and I've discovered that I'm probably at a crossroads of sorts. Like, I KNOW that I need to "pick" some direction and then FOCUS. But it's hard! There are so many cool things I could be good at, in this industry! There are a couple of seminars that I Must Take to help me with that, but I haven't seen any openings listed in awhile. And, with the way my career has ebbed and flowed, chances are really good that when they do come around again, I'll be too busy! Which is, of course, not a bad thing.

But. Last night, while volunteering for the VO Lab's Orientation session, I discovered a feeling I haven't felt in a really long time.


I felt genuinely happy, y'all. My birthday is coming up, and I'd had my standard (getting old) "hitch in my giddy-up" pretty much All Day. When one decides to start utilizing the VO Lab, one must attend ONE Orientation. Because of my volunteering, last night was my FOURTH. So what? Big deal. I was smiling, grinning, laughing, dancing, playing as I greeted all of those newbies, and I felt 100% like my old (young) self. HAPPY.

And it rolled over into today, too! I worked a commercial at the beginning of the month, and my paycheck still hadn't reached my mailbox by this morning. So I had to call, y'all. The payroll company is in CHICAGO. The CSR I reached is in Kentucky. I hate making these "where my money at, ASSHOLE?" kinds of calls. Everyone hates making them. We shouldn't have to make them!
But I did it. And I was courteous, but direct. Charles was able to track my check, which had been cut ON TIME but mailed to our old address in Burbank, because for Some Stupid Reason, Payroll Companies Don't Look At Your Brand New Timecard Or W-4 Or I-9, they just figure nobody ever moves. It's been SIX years since I worked for this payroll company. Or, to be Even More Accurate, six years ago, I worked for a payroll company that has since been bought out by the current one. Meaning, this particular payroll company should not have had ANY of my previous data "on file".

Now, did I cuss Charles out? No, I Did Not. Did I remember that none of this was his fault, and say so? Yes, I Did. Did I make it so clear that I was grateful for his help that he actually LAUGHED on our phone call? Yes, as a matter of fact, I DID THAT, TOO.

*** who the fuck is this person? ***

I vaguely remember happiness, y'all. I remember joy. I remember playing and laughing and singing and dancing just because. This is where I am today. I like it. I doubt my Depression is gone for good, but boy, do I like me TODAY. I like Happiness.

I wish for you all the happiness or joy or freedom from pain you can muster. Please join me in this feeling of good. And let me know below what's up with you! I miss our give-and-take! Our repartee! Our interaction! Comment, y'all! And thank you in advance. :D

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