My brother just posted a "Family Only" video to Facebook, a selfie-type video, which he has been fond of shooting for, oh, well, longer than the term "selfie" has existed. This particular video has him and his daughter, my niece (mostly the niece), singing "Jingle Bells". She didn't make it all the way through the song without his help; actually, he may have only taught her the first part of it (up to "HEY!"). Doesn't matter. I love it, and I'm bawling my eyes out.
I may or may not have ever clued you in to my occasional bouts of depression, or the fact that I am absolutely affected by "Seasonal Affect(ive?/ed? {whatever}) Disorder", a.k.a. "SAD". I hate winter. I hate the cold. I hate the darkness. I hate that, no matter what, I'm getting up early, and probably staying up fairly late, and it's DARK for too long in the winter months.
It has nothing to do with me being a night owl or a lark. It has nothing to do with the hours I am productive. It has everything to do with SUNSHINE, and my opportunities to be out in it.
I am incredibly grateful to have been called in for tours every day this week (so far). I am incredibly grateful that I will deserve the two days off I'm about to get. Do I care that those two days off are Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? Not really. Frankly, I wish they were not holidays, because then maybe I'd book additional work on set. Yes, I love all of the different jobs that I get to do. Also, I love the opportunities to be out in the SUNSHINE.
If I have no place to be, I can easily spend all day inside. I hate that about myself. But it is what it is, and I am who I am. If I can have a reason to get out in the SUNSHINE every. single. day. then maybe I wouldn't be affected by SAD.
I don't think it's the SAD that makes me cry about the video, though. I think it's because I know, in my heart, that I am a Great Auntie. But I live too far away from any of my nieces or nephews to get to demonstrate it. And I am Missing. Out.
But what's to be done? I guess I'll watch the video some more, and cry some more. And drink wine, and eat chocolate, and binge-watch some television, and go to bed when I damn well feel like it.
Are you close (emotionally) to the younger generations in your family but distant (geographically)? What do you do about it?
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ReplyDeleteDunno why you deleted your comment, Daddy. It was perfectly reasonable for this post. I love you, too.
DeleteLove your blog, it's interesting, honest and such fun. I'm from Europe, now living in the states and Christmas is always a bit sad thinking of all the relatives so far away as they are having their family Christmases and enjoying all those beautiful traditions together. But I it's helpful to remember that lots of people are living far away from home and going through the same. So I watch the German TV Christmas shows on the internet, keep some of the traditions alive for myself and just enjoy the holidays. What I miss most about home are the very cold winters and the dark days which make the snow and decorated trees everywhere glisten all day long. The beautiful Christmas markets are also much nicer in the late afternoons when it gets dark and really cold. But the Texas heat isn't so bad either, not having to drive on ice and snow for months on end.
ReplyDeleteWishing you and your family a Beautiful Christmas and the very Best, Peace, Health and Happiness for the New Year. Hope you will always keep this cool blog going. Elle
Thank you, Elle. I do love writing this blog, and it's always completely honest, in that, if I'm not honest in what I write, then what's the freakin' point? I appreciate that you've offered the other side of the coin, in that you LOVE the darkness and cold that winter provides, because of the aesthetic BEAUTY that you witness. I just don't know that I would be able to bear it, having grown up in heat that's even hotter than Texas - MIAMI, Florida!
DeleteBut your response here has gotten me crying again, I have to say. Thank you for reading; for commenting; for your blessings and wishes. Happy Holidays to you and yours, Elle.
--emelle
If it's any consolation, it's not cold here in Berlin - ca. 12'C and not a hint of snow anywhere....
DeletePossibly a consolation to Elle, but certainly not to me, jesskawrites. ;)
DeleteI just found your blog and I love it. I live in San Diego and all of my family lives in Arizona and Utah. We had 3 babies born this year and I haven't met one yet. It's hard living away from family but texting and Instagram help.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Emily! I'm glad you love the blog.
DeleteSkype is also really good, when there's time. Since my distances are either three or eight time zones apart, we tend to have to make appointments to Skype, which means either email or Facebook messages or some other electronic written communication BEFORE the Skype, which feels a little redundant, but it's worth it for the Skype.
Oh Emelle - I feel your pain. This week my nephew forgot who I was when I skyped my sister and my heart broke in two. How could he have forgotten? This season is such a hard one to be away from family in.
ReplyDeleteOh, Holly. Now I have to make some time to Skype so I can be sure my nieces remember me!
DeleteNow its cold down here in Houston, oh how happy that makes me feel! I just wish the cold front had come without bringing so much damage all over Dallas with the tornadoes. Have a wonderful New Year everyone.Elle
ReplyDeleteElle, I wish the cold front had skipped "sunny" California!
DeleteJust embrace the cold, you might not realize just how much you love it. lol Elle
ReplyDeleteNot. Happening. ;)
DeleteNo, it's not the cold. It is the sunshine. It is helpful to me to be busy and feel useful. I tend to stay inside too. I need to remind myself to open the blinds and look out the window at least. It also helps if I walk, even if it is indoors at a store. Like you I need to get out and among people. I cried when I saw the video too.
ReplyDeleteI was able to get out today (it has been raining nearly non-stop for the past few days), and WALK. In SUNSHINE. Blinding sunshine, in fact. It did my body good (as they say). It was a bit brisk, but not what anyone else would consider "cold". And it was related to work (without being work), so that always "works". :)
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