Saturday, June 24, 2017

This town needs an enema! Or, well, This apartment does. Same diff.


Thank you, Joker. You speak the truth.

Y'all remember when I told you a few days ago that I'd reached a point in my juice cleanse where, if I sucked in my gut, it really only pulled in my ribcage-adjacent abs, and not my belly? No? Hmm... Maybe I only told Stephen.

Ennyhoo. I'm actually enjoying this fast, for the most part. Sometimes the juice extractor will get away from whichever of us is running it, and we'll have a Carrotastrophe or a Beetaggeddon (#CleanUpCleanUpEverybodyCleanUp), but the juices are tasty and filling (for a few hours, at least). And we seem to be using the terlet more.

However, I was really hoping to shed some belly fat, and with it, maybe a dozen pounds? My efforts in the terlet were strained, as it were, and I wasn't really shedding any weight, and I could still only see my toes over my little pot belly, instead of straight down my legs. This was making me a bit unhappy, as was only working the two days I'd had the week before last. #PutMeToWork #CabinFeverSetsIn

Whatever. That's not what this post is even about, #StupidDepression!

Back to the straining to shed weight. Stephen did a little research, and discovered that wheatgrass juice is supposed to be an excellent natural laxative. Then he also discovered that juicing wheatgrass is a complicated process.  So he researched some more, and discovered the brilliance of enemas.

Yup, I said it. Brilliance of enemas. Now, I know that #BackInTheDay, enemas were used on a fairly regular basis by your average Jo(e/anne), anytime constipation was an issue, or before childbirth, or possibly for other reasons. Neither of us has ever had/used one, so more research into the "how" was done. And then yesterday, we went for a walk, that included shopping for better brushes to clean the juice extractor, wheatgrass juice, and possibly enema kits.

We purchased all of the things. The juice was only available at Jamba, not in any grocery coolers, and the dude at the counter offered orange wedges, as a chaser. #RedFlagsFlying Wheatgrass Juice Is Nasty. There are people who order it on a regular basis, whenever they pick up a fruit smoothie at Jamba. Those People Are Insane Or Else They Have No Tastebuds.

So, we won't be returning to Jamba anytime soon. Not only because of the horrible #WheatgrassFailureOf2017, but also because all of the juices sold at Jamba cost too much. I can do what I want for less with fresh produce from the grocery store!

... got home, farted around (literally? Very possibly - juicing does increase flatulence, and if you're unknowingly "backed up", you can't really trust farting around.) Eventually read the instructions on all three panels of the box, and decided to give it a "go". Stripped down, lying nekkid on the bathroom floor, worked the dealio, and BOOM! Within mebbe a minute or two, I was up on the terlet, evacuating. Brilliance, I tell ya. (BTW, Mr. "Most Interesting Man In The World", I DO always sit down to pee, unless circumstances prevent that. So you don't actually speak for ME <=>)
And in the shower that followed, I looked down my body, tightened my abs, and saw my thighs, knees, and feet. Yay!

Have you ever had an enema? Aren't they brilliant?

6 comments:

  1. Uh, no. Just no. Not even to see my feet. But glad it worked for you.

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    Replies
    1. LOL. It really wasn't difficult or messy or anything scary at all. 😃

      Delete
  2. My Mom used to think Enema's solved every ailment. So yes, I have had more than my fair share, but not voluntarily.

    So no Vlog on this one huh? Hehe.

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    Replies
    1. I don't always vlog, Ari, but when I do...

      it's not whilst giving myself an enema! HA!

      Delete
  3. Stupid thing keeps putting my comments in as anonymous but the previous was Arionis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You didn't, perchance, accidentally sign out before publishing, didja? I did that once, and was seriously freaked out to publish my own reply as anonymous.

      Delete

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