Welcome BACK, Netherlands!

You were gone for awhile, but you appear to have returned IN FORCE.  Thank you for remembering me, and sharing me with your neighbors! :)

Just Two Things to say...

I LOVE LA!

1. Caitlin and her family cut the Grand Canyon vacation short for a detour visit here.  Yay for "rocks!"
2. Stephen's new employer called and has asked him to fill out his "new hire" paperwork tomorrow.  Yay for wages!

Water flowing underground (Act Three of "How Did I Get Here?")

I'm going to backtrack here just a little bit, I think.

BEFORE I got booked on Mad Men, I had somehow added doing "background work" to my repertoire of income-producing gigs.  I was cast in a children's show with the local theatre company, as Rosie, the "fabulous, gorgeous, big sister duck" to the "Ugly Duckling."  We had just opened the show and I had just gotten busy doing BG work when Mommy was killed.  She had called me from New Jersey, and asked whether she should make California part of her trip, after visiting Brett in Kentucky.  I was so busy, I told her "no."  I was afraid I wouldn't have time to "entertain" her.  She never needed us to entertain her; she only ever wanted to spend time with her babies.  After she was killed, I carried an extraordinary amount of guilt, thinking that if I had just said "yes," she'd have been on a different route and she'd still be with us.  Poppycock.  God called her into the Heavenly Choir when He was ready for her, and He had definitely spoken "you're next" to her soul (not her intellect), and she was ready for Him.  I had a friend on set with me, to "keep an eye" on me, for a "recall" day on the show "Desperate Housewives" after the weekend we learned of her death.  Then, later in that week, I went to a rehearsal of "The Ugly Duckling," both to help my understudy learn the part as well as to give me something to do before I had to go to Florida for Mommy's services, etc.  On my way home from the rehearsal, my mind blanked for just a moment (grief, you know?) and I totaled my car.  Good times! ... NOT.

That was the end of 2006.  Got back to LA and borrowed a manual transmission car for a couple months from my "little sister" (you know, the Ugly Duckling?) so I'd have to always think about the act of driving, while I waited for the insurance company to pay off my totaled automatic.  Threw myself back into work.  Got a copy of "The Book" from Daddy, and picked up his "mission" to start handing copies out to folks I encountered who could use a copy.  If you're grieving, get yourself a copy.  If you know folks who are grieving, start handing out copies.  It does a WORLD of good.  Got myself booked on Mad Men, and life seemed to return to "normal."

Then, in February of 2009, Stephen was in touch with folks from NC State University, where we had dated.  There was a reunion scheduled for September of that year, and a mutual friend tasked him with finding me.  Here's the backstory on "Our Hollywood Story:"

• We dated in college, for four years (give or take), while we were both living in Raleigh, NC, and attending NC State, and in the first year that Stephen went on to the NC School of the Arts, in Winston-Salem.  The year he was in W-S, Mommy and Daddy had moved back to Charlotte, NC, so since W-S was equidistant to Raleigh and Charlotte, I transferred my degree to UNC Charlotte.  EVERY night that Stephen and I were together, he asked me to marry him.  My answer was always "yes."
• After that first year of "long-distance" dating, we realized we were too young-and-stupid to maintain being apart by a two-hour drive, so we "broke up," amicably.  Stephen asked me to marry him; I said "maybe."
• After MY degree was finally finished and I met and got engaged to someone else, I invited Stephen to my wedding.  He was dating a psycho-chick at the time, who was afraid I would steal him away from her at my wedding, and he was therefore prohibited from attending.  Turns out she was prescient, but in the wrong timeframe.
• I ended up living my life in NC, being a step-Mommy and dealing with an ex-wife (she is now my "ex-step-ex-wife") who ended up brutalizing her own child and destroying my marriage.  At the end of my day, my family said, "Hey.  Let's get your ass to LA so you can be an actress."
• Meanwhile, Stephen had finished a Speech-Communication degree, a Stage Management degree, and had started a Screenwriting degree, before his funds just ran completely out.  He (and quite a few of his School of the Arts compatriots) headed to LA to "make a go of it."

In February of 2009, at the urging of our mutual friend, Stephen did a Charlotte-based city-search on Daddy.  No dice (he'd already moved to Florida, with Mommy, many years prior to that).  So he tried Facebook, remembering that Daddy was a computer geek, and not remembering what my married name was.  No dice - too many pages of men who could be Daddy, with tiny profile pics to sort through.  So he went to MySpace, and found a man with a profile pic that had the right number of men and women of potentially-appropriate ages in it, with the following caption:

"J*** M*** (check), retired RN (check) from Charlotte, NC (oh, yeah).  My older daughter built this page for me (that's right, big sis is a computer geek, too) because my son was too lazy to do it (yup, younger brother also a nerd!).  MY YOUNGER DAUGHTER IS AN ACTRESS IN HOLLYWOOD - MAYBE YOU'VE SEEN HER?" (emphasis added by me here, because upon reading it, Stephen's jaw is on the floor)

So he sends Daddy a message through the system; waits two weeks, find's Cheryl's page as a link and immediately upon viewing her profile pic (on MySpace, mind you), says to himself, "I know that kid."  You see, I wasn't in Daddy's profile pic.  The young lady who should have been me, was, in fact, my grown niece.  In my sister's pic was the younger version of her, listening to her Mommy's heart with a toy stethoscope.  BAM!  So he sends her the message he'd sent Daddy; she forwards it to me; I get it and go "O.M.G. - he's been floating through my brain for the past two weeks!"

We discover we'd been living nine miles apart for the last seven years.  We start dating again.  We go, not only to the NC State reunion at the end of September, but also to my high school reunion at the beginning of October, which just happened to be one town away from the other one, and while we're making our travel arrangements, we inform our families, "we'll be in North Carolina this particular week.  If you'd like there to be a wedding, then please make it happen, and we'll be there."

Yes, I made him "ask me" One. More. Time.

... Into the Blue Again

Best Movie Soundtrack EVER

Okay, well, I don't profess to ever really buy music.  Nor do I profess to having seen every movie ever made.  Honestly, we've been home one month exactly today, and we were given the opportunity to see a new release and catch up with an old friend today.

THIS MOVIE HAS THE BEST SOUNDTRACK EVER.  Hands down, no contest.

Oh, you want to know what else the movie has?  Okay, I'll tell you.  It almost has an F-bomb.  It may or may not almost have other swearing (I honestly can't remember, it was such a non-issue).  They started the film, and I was immediately swept into a beautiful, poignant, tragic, tear-jerking scene of life and loss, when BAM! the humour attacked me and would not allow a single salty drop to slide down my face.

I don't know who the target audience is.  THIS middle-aged (OMG, am I REALLY already "middle-aged"?) MWF who loves comic-book/superhero action movies but had no prior knowledge of the characters or potential storyline (other than what I'd read in Entertainment Weekly) had an absolutely amazing enjoyment of almost every moment.  The only distractions I experienced, personally, were

1. the rest of the audience laughing too loudly, and
2. ONE fight scene that felt "too close" and was difficult for me to follow.

This film "fits" into the same Marvel Universe that the rest of the Avengers do, but as yet, we're not given any connection.  So it acts like a "one-off."  That, I think, is what makes it so enjoyable.  It's an ensemble piece that just happens to have a clear leader.  All of the characters have very clear personalities and motivations.

It's so well written, and directed, and performed, and shot, and and, and ...  So far, it's my favorite film of the summer.  But the MUSIC!  I was both singing AND dancing in my seat.  BEST SOUNDTRACK EVER.

I don't know who won't love this movie.  See it, expecting to have fun, and I guarantee you will.  Well, unless you're just a mean grumpyface contrarion!  In that case, I make no guarantees!

What "Saying 'Yes'" really means

I have a friend with a three-year-old son who is VERY physical.  She's unable to work much outside of her home, because, even though her husband has a great job "in the world," childcare in Los Angeles is very cost-prohibitive.  So she's a full-time, stay-at-home Mommy with business partners who give her enough freedom to also "work from home" as much as possible.

I had indicated to her that we are saying "yes" to more and more things, as much as possible, this time around in LA.  That meant driving an unfamiliar distance to an unfamiliar neighborhood to help her husband celebrate his birthday... which led to Stephen making a new friend, and us staying longer than we might have, to catch up in general, with my friend the wife.

... which led to her asking (one day this week) whether today might be a good day for her to bring the son over for a swim.  I called it "Park, Picnic, and Pool" and invited other moms with young sons to join us.  Who cares that we all live on different sides of town?  Let's make a "Play Date" and get all these little boys socialized!  I am, after all, the Best Auntie Ever!

So another Mommy was happy to bring her not-quite-two-year-old over for a swim, if nothing else.  I was happy to see them both, even if the little one took his sweet time warming up to me (I get it - I met him when he was a true "infant" and then went away - it'll take awhile!).  We figured out where to put all the picnic items and then the other family arrived (the daddy, too).  The third family asked for a "raincheck" - we'll definitely be hosting this kind of deal again, so no problem!

Once all expected parties were here, we went down to the pool with some of the food.  Not ready to walk to the park in hot/humid weather, when we can just spend all day in the pool!  That's fine.  The two little boys befriended each other and will likely become better friends as they get a little older, if we manage to get them together to do so.  The Mommies had enough in common that they'll find a way to become better friends, and therefore socialize their sons.  And the menfolk had all day to "conversate" (can you believe that the OED has added that as a new "word?"), and I'm STILL The Best Auntie Ever!

Single Mom and Youngest Child left after a good, long visit.  They had evening plans and still needed to squeeze in a nap.  Family with Very Physical Three-Year-Old stayed a good LONG time, and I had time to give Stay-at-Home-Working-Mommy a "grown-up" break (they all talked politics while I got to play cars and superheroes and shooting rubber bands and nerf guns with the kid).  It was a fabulous day, even though the sun never quite broke through the clouds, and it slowly but surely melted into a fabulous evening/night.

Saying "Yes" means MUCH MORE socializing.  Today was not cost-prohibitive for any of the participants (to my knowledge), and it was really really lovely.  I can't wait to "Say Yes" some more!

FoTo FriDay

200+ classic cars that we could WALK to see!

the interior of the previous

Even pick-em-up trucks!

<==

Stephen with the Green Hornet car

An ACTUAL Burbank PD car, not just from "the movies"

A Hackney!

No, I'm not actually TOUCHING the pretty purple car!

My view from beneath, shortly upon completion

The chest in the living room collapsed on me last night

So we reinforced the legs from the INSIDE

& got rid of those pathetic nails that had been "holding" them!

Guesses?

Cocoa, in sunlight, is NOT a black cat - she's BROWN!

SHE drives me crazy! (Woh, woh) - Rebuttal/Apology for yesterday

So, it would appear that I was unkind yesterday, or that I was asking Stephen to leave forever.  That is not the intent of yesterday's post, but no matter intent.  My feelings are my own, but by the same token, your feelings are YOUR own.  This post (today) is my "take" on Stephen's rebuke of my yesterday's post, if he were to "guest blog."  I offered him the opportunity, but he's a real writer, and has no desire to blog.  I hope that I can find his "voice" for today.  Consider this a "she said, he said," but understand that it's essentially my hearing that's being put here today.

*****

Today started off lousy.  We got up around 9 again, together-ish, and I hit the head first, as usual (how does she hold her bladder so long?), and I cleaned the litterbox.  I think she always knows that it needs cleaning first thing, and she holds her bladder on purpose.  I know she doesn't like to clean it, but neither do I, so why am I always the one to do it?  And no thanks for it, either.  Love the cats, but that damn litterbox.  Ugh.

So to make it better, I go out to the kitchen to make coffee.  She's got the kitchen blinds closed again, so I fetch the box fan from the bedroom and install it in the kitchen window.  The handle of the blinds begin clackity-clacking against the side of the fan, so I open the blinds further.  She's taken the "good signal" seat on the futon, so I've got to sit at the living room window for us to both have access to the internet.  That's wardriving, I guess.  I'll be glad when I have a job, so we can afford our own connection from anywhere in the apartment!  But I digress.  I get up to do something, maybe pour a cuppa joe? and she moves the box fan to the window where I was sitting.  Does she not even want me in the room with her?  What's up with that?  And not a word as to why she's doing it.  Damn.

So I go into the bedroom.  Fine.  Then I read her frakkin' blog from yesterday.  Holy Shit, does she hate me?  Does she wish I'd never come back into her life?  Am I that bad as a husband that she's got to share it with the world how miserable I make her?  FINE.  I will get a damn job and I will get out of her hair and I will not spend any time with her again, ever.  Damn.  I love her, and I tell her all the time, and now I know how she really feels, don't I?  This sucks.  This really hurts.  Why does she hate me so much?  What am I supposed to do now?

*****

Stephen, my dearest love.  I had no idea that ^this^ is how you would feel when I put those words out into the world yesterday.  I don't need you to fix my bad days for me, but I do need to be heard.  Apparently, this morning you "heard" me, even through your own filters.  I am so incredibly sorry to have hurt you with my words.  Thank you for every little thing you do.  Thank you for cleaning the cat box.  Thank you for making the bed.  Thank you for doing what you can to help me save money while we're still both out there, looking for work.  I hope that if the interview you're on right now feels like "the one" for you, that you also feel like "the one" for them, and this process will be over.  I know it's stressful for you.

I love you so much, and I should say it more.  I'm grateful for you, and I should say that more, too.  I know you love me.  You say it plenty.  I think you're grateful for me, but maybe you could say that more. ;)

Thank you for putting up with my nagging and my passive-aggression.  I don't want to do either, but I'm the wife - I think somewhere, there's a handbook that has "nagging and passive-aggression" listed as my job description.  Please forgive me, and please let me know if I'm driving you crazy.  We really are in this together.  I want you; I need you; I love you.