FREEEEEE Movie Screenings!

*I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU*

I have no idea if YOU need to repeat this mantra ad infinitum, but I most certainly do. When I "live in the now" and center myself in a feeling of abundance, then I most assuredly attract abundance. When I worry about what things cost, or use the phrase "I can't afford that", I end up missing out on a ton of fun shit, because I can't afford to do ... whatever.

I've been attending movie screenings. You know this; I've said so; I've begun reviewing things for you. I attended a screening tonight, in a swanky theater in Beverly Hills. I'd never been to this particular theater before, and frankly, I didn't really give myself enough time to find it and park. But whatever. Waze got me there just fine, only I didn't read the fine print in the email confirmation. The part that talked about the free parking. I didn't read that part, so I didn't program Waze to find the free parking; I programmed it to find the theater, which it did.

HUGE-ass line down the street, as I approached. I followed the signs for parking, or so I thought, but no, not really, as that entrance was actually just a drive-through that took me back around the block. I asked some folks in line where I was supposed to park, and they indicated some tennis center ... down the street ... and ... #MumbleMumbleCough um, what? ... so I did what any normal LA driver would do, and I found the correct driveway to the parking lot for that theater, parked, and got in line with another chick who was running as late as I was. (We were merely on time, which in LA is late)

We discussed our hope that our parking would be validated, or that parking wouldn't cost more than a movie ticket. snicker snicker, surely it will be FREE? Someone ahead of us in line announced the news regarding the Alabama Senate race, and there was much rejoicing. (The PEDOPHILE LOST). We got to the front of the line, and I asked the woman checking us in whether parking was validated. She said no, but she had an upbeat attitude about it, so I assumed she knew I was asking about the theater parking and not the tennis club parking, and I was reassured that it was free. Then I made my way into the theater and found a decent seat.

The Producers Guild was hosting tonight, not SAG. The woman who introduced the film with the "silence your phones" speech was awfully proud of the fact that the producers of this particular film had given themselves PGA credits for it, and that was why the PGA was hosting tonight (Producers Guild of America, not the Professional Golf A_____). The movie started late, but it started, so ... okay.

Hostiles is set in 1892. Christian Bale is an Army Captain who has killed him a bunch of nasty Injuns on behalf of the United States Gubmint, just for being on our land before we got there. Wes Studi is an Indian Chief who's spent many years in an Army prison for all the Whites he and his people have killed, just for wanting to evict him and his people from Their Land. The Captain is nearing retirement, and the Chief is dying of The Cancer, so the Gubmint has decided that the Chief should get to go home to Montana with his family (who've been locked up with him all these years), and the Captain gets to escort them all! Yay!

This trip takes a long time on horseback, especially when the prisoners-to-be-freed have to ride still shackled. It takes even longer when the group has to rescue Rosamund Pike from her burnt-out homestead AND bury her family AND fight off bad Comanches AND deliver some random Army deserter to his justice AND keep a handful of fur traders from stealin' and rapin' the womens AND bury the Chief once he reaches Montana AND fight the Whites that own the ranch on which we just buried the Chief. In my humble opinion, the script could have used some trimming. Not that we didn't want to see 'Murica in all its unspoilt beauty. But did we really need to tell all of these additional tales? Um, no.

Things I Hated About Hostiles:

• the length of the film
• the pace of the film
• the captioning
• the number of stories it tried to tell
• the fact that everyone finds redemption (YOU get a redemption! YOU get a redemption! and YOU! and YOU!)
• the audience clapping and cheering at the closing scene
• the end credits font

Things I Didn't Hate About Hostiles:

• the acting, despite the script
• the scenery
• the fact that almost everybody dies

Should you see it? Do I even have to Boldly Tell You? Wait for it to come to your big-screen tv.

... but now you're wondering, right? Was the screening, in fact, FREEEEE?

It was not. It cost me the price of a movie ticket, for parking. But ya know what? *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU* *I AM A MONEY MAGNET, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU*  (I can afford twelve bucks)

Are YOU a Money Magnet? Do you say Thank You when you notice?