Friday, December 29, 2017

WTF did I/we just watch?

Honestly, I'm a bit flabbergasted by this year's Awards Season Screeners. Most of what I've watched, whether alone or with Stephen, has garnered ^THAT^ reaction (the title of this post, um, duh... keep up, kids!)

Here's a short review of stuff I've seen recently (either alone or with Stephen):
the website from whence we stream... no, you may NOT have the url!
the big sick: IMDb says "Pakistan-born comedian Kumail Nanjiani and grad student Emily Gardner fall in love but struggle as their cultures clash. When Emily contracts a mysterious illness, Kumail finds himself forced to face her feisty parents, his family's expectations, and his true feelings." We saw this film at the DGA (maybe?) a couple(-ish?) months ago. We both liked it; we'll probably go ahead and watch it again when we receive our physical screener, or possibly from the website ^. It's good. It's worth your time. Holly Hunter is pretty damn phenomenal. I don't believe the film will be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. It does tell a pretty good race-relations/healthcare story. It's not about standup comedy, though. See it, if you get a chance.

Call Me By Your Name: IMDb says "In Northern Italy in 1983, seventeen year-old Elio begins a relationship with visiting Oliver, his father's research assistant, with whom he bonds over his emerging sexuality, their Jewish heritage, and the beguiling Italian landscape." I watched this alone. WTF did I watch? Why is it set in Italy? Why in 1983? Why must Elio be a minor, or Jewish, or half-Italian? I didn't understand; maybe you will, if what IMDb tells you (or any trailers, maybe) interest(s) you enough to give it a viewing. I almost stopped watching multiple times, because I was, frankly, bored.

Darkest Hour: IMDb says "During the early days of World War II, the fate of Western Europe hangs on the newly-appointed British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, who must decide whether to negotiate with Hitler, or fight on against incredible odds." I saw this in a theater and then really wanted to see it again with captions, because Gary Oldman as Winston Churchill mumbles probably as much as Winston really did in real life. It's good. It's a Winston Churchill biopic! Do you like Winston Churchill? Do you have an interest in World War II? See it. I recommend subtitles/captions, if possible (like I had access to on the ^website^)

Disaster: IMDb says "When Greg Sestero, an aspiring film actor, meets the weird and mysterious Tommy Wiseau in an acting class, they form a unique friendship and travel to Hollywood to make their dreams come true." I've already reviewed this fucking thing for you! #WhatTheAbsoluteFUCKDidIJustWatch?

Downsizing: IMDb says "A social satire in which a man realizes he would have a better life if he were to shrink himself to five inches tall, allowing him to live in wealth and splendor." I've already reviewed this fun thing for you! #SeeItAlready

The Florida Project: IMDb says "Set over one summer, the film follows precocious six-year-old Moonee as she courts mischief and adventure with her ragtag playmates and bonds with her rebellious but caring mother, all while living in the shadows of Disney World." Oh. Is THAT what it was "about"? No, seriously. You can tell me. #WhatTheFuckDidIJustWatch? Some boring-ass shit, with a fine performance by Willem Defoe. But, um, yeah. NO.

Lady Bird: IMDb says "In the early 2000s, an artistically-inclined seventeen year-old comes of age in Sacramento, California." I haven't seen this one yet, but based on this IMDb pitch, I am not looking forward to it. Don't worry; I WILL watch it. I'm really hoping I don't hate it as much as I hated some of these on this list.

Roman J. Israel, Esq.: IMDb says "Roman J. Israel, Esq., a driven, idealistic defense attorney, finds himself in a tumultuous series of events that lead to a crisis and the necessity for extreme action." I watched this one alone, the other day. It was really wordy. REALLY wordy. Denzel is great, playing a savant, I guess. He has an immense legal vocabulary; and an immense propensity to speak it. It's sometimes hard to keep up with him, frankly. And since I don't have an immense legal vocabulary, it was a bit ... much? to watch. If you like legal dramas, or Denzel Washington, or social activism, then go ahead and bother to see it. #NotMyCuppa

The Shape of Water: IMDb says "In a 1960s research facility, Elisa, a mute janitor, forms a relationship with a mysterious aquatic creature." We watched this one just the other night, and we both wondered #WhatTheFuckDidWeJustWatch? It's been explained to me by a mutual friend that it's actually a social commentary. The primary "heroic" characters are a WOC, a "disabled" woman, a gay man, a myth, and a Communist. The hero "of the day" (the straight, white, powerful man in charge) is actually a sick, twisted FUCK. All of these things may be true, but they didn't make us enjoy the (nonexistent) "story". If you have interest in these role "reversals", then maybe you'll enjoy the film, so, go ahead and see it.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri: IMDb says "A mother personally challenges the local authorities to solve her daughter's murder when they fail to catch the culprit." THIS IS OUR PICK FOR BEST PICTURE! Seriously, kids. We just watched it, before I started this particular blog post. You've seen the trailers, and you're pretty interested in seeing it. You should DEFINITELY see it. We only knew, from the trailers, that we're meant to sympathize/empathize with Frances McDormand's character. We have no idea what her angst is, but we know there's some kind of big trauma. We didn't know that we would also really like Woody Harrelson. Or just about any of the other characters. We didn't know that Sam Rockwell's character would go through so much. There were numerous twists throughout, and we were fairly #EdgeOfOurSeats watching it. We laughed A LOT. We cringed quite a bit. We were shocked at least a couple of times. I refuse to tell you anything else. Just Go See This Film.

There you have it. ^THAT^ is WTF I/we just watched. Any questions or rebuttals?


  1. I have newly started trusting your reviews since we can pretty much watch anything with a jailbroke Fire Stick. Imma gonna come back and tell you if I agree :) Thanks for these!

    1. I serve at the pleasure of my Queen. ;) (we've been watching A Lot of royal stuff: The Crown, Victoria, etc.)


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