Tuesday, December 5, 2017

I went away again, didn't I?

Sorry about that.

I was busy with work, and volunteering, and going to movie screenings, and I managed to blog pretty regularly then.

Then I "celebrated" my First Annual Skippage of Gluttony Day Parade (?)...

Then I only worked at the pet supply store, and had more Adventuretime and screenings and volunteerism but no WORK ON SET, and somehow I was ... away?

I think my brain weasels (someone else's TM) have been lying to me. My winter funk has been a descending cloud, visible to me, but not yet engulfing me. I'm booked for work tomorrow, which is why I somehow have the energy to blog again tonight.

... but I have to keep hoping that I'll book more than just tomorrow, this week. I listened to the info line, and what I heard was not "if you worked on Monday, 11/27, then wear your Day Two outfit again tomorrow" (which is honestly what they said). Rather, my brain heard "everyone else worked last week, and YOU DIDN'T, and also, they all wore more than one outfit, so it was probably a long and lucrative day that YOU DIDN'T work".

My brain weasels suck, y'all. Why can't I just be happy that I'm recalled at all? Since any day on set is a good day, and I totally know what I'm doing tomorrow, because it is a recall, essentially, I should just be doing my fucking
instead of mentally kicking myself over last Monday (which was, and always will be, completely out of my control).

I don't really know what I wanted to say when I started this post. I guess I wanted to talk about Depression again. Sorry.

Last year, for the first time since Mommy died, I put up and decorated the Christmas tree. This year, I've done nothing. Stephen's done a good bit of decorating, and he's not finished yet, and I'm okay with it, in all of its stages. I've been sporadically wearing my Santa hat and jingle ball and holiday earrings, but my "holiday spirit" is 100% outward. I got nothin'.

Been attempting to convert the cats to a raw diet. So far, Cocoa has only really cared for the one flavor in the one brand that our pet supply store doesn't keep in stock. Meaning, it's a special order. Meaning, we won't get it at a discount. Meaning, our next step is to see if she likes that flavor in a different brand, so we can get it straight from the freezers at work. We'll see.

Been wanting to pick up my crochet projects again but Just. Haven't. Done. It. Yet. Why not? No idea. Possibly the lack of work has equaled lack of self-worth, which has equaled lack of motivation.

Been wanting to send holiday cards (or Any Mail At All) out to my people that I only know online. Last year, I sent/received something like 20 cards? And then started mailing normal mail to/from another group of 10-15? I think it's very possible that the last (or one of the last) pieces of mail I received here was a simple postcard from Cheo, who died of a brain hemorrhage last week. He was too young, and it was totally unexpected, and it's not like I'm thinking I'm next or anything, but I've definitely been bummed out since learning of his passing. Yesterday was his birthday, so our group did "random" acts of kindness, and involved donuts where appropriate, tweeting our acts so his widow would see them. Hashtags #FuckPants and #Donuts4Cheo abounded. There's a 2018 calendar of our group's craziness for sale in one member's Zazzle store, with the proceeds going to benefit Cheo's widow. It's mostly pretty tame, but there are pages that are NSFW, in case you're the sorta person to use a wall calendar.

So, yeah. Now you're caught up, and I'm depressed, I guess, but not because you're caught up now, because while brain weasels would follow that line of logic, that wasn't what I was trying to say, exactly. Dammit, Karen! (Not YOU, Karen. No, that other "fictitious" Karen that everyone on the interwebs is always yelling at).

Um, ennyhoo. I'm depressed. You're caught up. Two separate points. Maybe after I work tomorrow, I'll come back to finally start reviewing some of the great stuff I've seen lately! (Been wanting to review the great stuff I've been screening lately, but just... haven't. Again, dunno why not.)

It is now Tuesday. I get to go to work today! I started this post early (enough) on Monday to have posted it yesterday, but I was busy (drinking wine and figuring out what I wanted to say and link, and finding the dancing baby gif), so now it's Tuesday. Are ya happy now?

I am. Yes, I'm still depressed. I can be both happy and depressed, at the same time, even. If you didn't know that, then please, consider yourself #Blessed. For all my complaining, I do at least still know that I am #Blessed. I'm goin' to bed now. If you're reading this immediately upon my posting and you live in the Western Hemisphere, you should do the same.

What shall we talk about tomorrow?


  1. Giant hugs to you, my dear friend! You will beat back those brain weasels. You will. You are #neveralone.

    1. Thank you, m'lady. I miss reading you - you went away again, too! How's Big Al?

  2. I'm there with you on the lack of Christmas spirit. I've been phoning it in. We put the tree up on Saturday and it mostly just felt like work. It was nice to see it after it was up, I just wish it felt more like something fun to do. For the first time in many years I have family coming our way for Christmas. I hope I get more into it soon. Hope you make it through the funk soon, and if you happen to run across me on the way out just grab me by the collar and drag me along.

    1. Stephen still isn't finished with his decorating efforts, and I've put none forth, AGAIN.

      We just informed the family that we need their wishlists, though, so maybe shopping for the littles will help.

      Now git up outta that ditch. Let's go look at other people's lights or something.

  3. Hi Boo. Sorry to hear you're bugging. We should be neighbors and I would cheer your ass up if possible. We could frolic. This is Linda from halfa1000miles by the way. New account.

    1. We could only be neighbors if you come out to Cali, Linda. I ain't goin' back to where it gets cold enough to snow, ever again. Not even whirlygig popcorn will get me out there!

      I knew it was you, even without ya lettin' me know, altho I do thank ya kindly fer lettin' me know. It was "Boo" what gave ya away. ;)

      I hope your gig is treating you well. I look forward to you returning to the blogosphere! Wait... did you return to the blogosphere? with that new account? ... it's not LINKED to anything, so I guess I'll stay in my SAD ovah heah.


I LOVE your feedback; give it to me, Baby. Uh-huh, uh-huh.