So much for my "I'll probably post weekly" post... LAST MONTH.

I awoke from weird dreams that have nothing to do with anything, composing a blog post even while recalling snippets of the weird dreams. I had to blog today. I'm hoping that that feeling of "having to blog" will return, fast and furious, like it used to be.

Fair warning: today's post is another bit of a rant (with "foul" language). Hopefully, there's sufficient "positivity" in it that it doesn't sound like I'm wallowing. Whatever; so be it; it is what it is. It's MY blog. ;)

I love my job. You know this; I've said so. I also love the film industry. Stephen has felt "guilty" for taking me "out" of it. You know this; I've said so.

But (so?) I've given notice. The studio hours, on their own, are not a big deal for a sometimes-lark-but-usually-night-owl. The commute, on its own, is not a big deal, having driven twice that daily when we lived in North Carolina for twenty months. But put together, I'm too old for that shit. So I gave notice. The last Friday of this month will be my last day of employment at the studio.

Since giving notice, I've become acutely aware that I am undervalued in my position anyway. There are many redundancies that I've been unable to address/correct, as the response is always the same dreaded "that's how we've always done it". I am required, by law (allegedly), to take an hour off the clock for my meal break, and two fifteen minute breaks on the clock, preferably at some point near the "halfway through that half of the day" mark. Mine is the only position without any real backup. If every instructor is with a student and the counselor is counseling and the manager is working with anyone, then my break gets pushed. It's both up to me to make sure I take my breaks, so that the studio doesn't get penalized by the law, and to make sure I've got coverage. Weirdly enough, my meal breaks are set in stone; I don't have to worry about who will answer the phone or greet walkins or anything. Whatever; that wasn't where I was going when I started this rant.

YESTERDAY was a day where I honestly felt "I could just grab my shit and walk out - fuck them - because I can't seem to do this job today anyway. What are they going to do, fire me?" As of today, I will have eleven more days of work. But not one of the three weeks of my notice will be a 40-hour week. I gave sufficient notice to help my replacement get a good feel for the day-to-day bits of the job; I can't help anyone learn how to cope with the "here's a task - go do it; you'll probably fuck it up, and then we'll tell you how you could have done it right; oh, and it's REALLY important that you don't fuck it up, because we'll be in serious legal or financial shit if you do" aspect that has pervaded this job from the beginning... because "that's how we've always done it".

Yikes. I didn't realize before I typed that how little I love my job. Hmm... let me say what I do love about my job; maybe that'll help this not sound too whiny.

• I love the teaching syllabus. Watching instructors work with new students or with the "old pros" is a delight. The steps and techniques and flairs are all expressed so beautifully, and in the right order.
• I love most of the staff. There are a few whom I merely tolerate; mostly, they are wonderful people whom I will miss, and with whom I hope to maintain friendships, even if only through social media.
• I love a great number of the students. There was one older gentleman who had asked his instructor how I was doing (in my position) the day before I turned in my notice, and when she told me what he'd said and what she said, it absolutely broke my heart. At his lesson yesterday, I confessed to him that I was leaving, and we both teared up. That poor man has been there longer than almost the entire staff, so he's "trained" his share of admins. Thankfully, he's also got a great sense of humor, so he was able to tease me through my broken heart.
• I love that I get to dance during my set-in-stone meal break on Saturdays. So many of the male students, no matter what level of skill or experience they have, ask me to dance, and seem to genuinely enjoy that I genuinely enjoy my Saturday meal breaks. I only have one more Saturday meal break this month, and the theme is "orange" (yikes). I intend to make the most of it anyway.
• I love that I have been able to make a small difference in the bottom line. I may not say the exact right thing at the exact right moment, but my position as an assistant gives me plenty of opportunities to assist both staff and students.

But the differences that I have been able to make will be gone if they don't hire my replacement soon. And yesterday was such a mind-blowingly-stressful day, I had waaaaaay too many "I'm outta here!" momentary thoughts. I just have to live one day at a time, and not worry that I won't get 40 hours or I won't get to dance or I won't get to break in the new kid or I'll lose a ton of friends. One day at a time to get back to my real life and back to ME.  And back to You, too, probably.

Thanks for letting me vent. Your advice/input/suggestions are always welcome. Even if it's just to say "Suck it up, Buttercup!"

And now to find something vaguely "red" to wear for the Friday theme "party"... :/