Had a pretty good cry tonight.
It's been very EASY for me to do this "selling stuff on ebay and Amazon" gig because so far, I have had ZERO attachment to any of the items for sale. ZERO.
Sure, Stephen listed my old VCR, which left immediately, and then we listed my DVD player, which hasn't had a nibble. But mostly, we're selling HIS books and HIS comic books and HIS GRANDMA's dolls and bears and blankets and such.
But a week ago, I created a listing for the drum kit of my PS3 Rock Band One kit. I indicated that if the buyer needed the rest of the kit, I would list all of it minus one guitar, because I knew Stephen would want to keep one guitar, even if we sold the rest of the kit. I indicated that I've gotten pretty good on Rock Band drums and want to improve further by upgrading my kit to include cymbals and the second kick pedal. There's no upgrade to the RB1 drum kit, so it means buying a whole new RB2 or RB3 kit. Drum kit. When I get home, to California.
Stephen didn't know why I had listed the kit, and it wasn't until it sold today and we tried to find a box to ship it in that I had words for it. And those words made me cry.
EVERYTHING we've sold prior to the drums has had some meaning for HIM. EVERYTHING has been a sacrifice for him, at least a little bit. That drum kit was my first sacrifice. Seeing the "hole" it has left in the living room is a VISIBLE reminder of both its absence and my need to downsize. It SHOULD make it easier for me to declutter/decrapify/downscale/downsize MY STUFF.
I did want to play one more time before I packed it up. If the downstairs neighbor leaves in the morning, I will set it up one more time and do that. If not, I will "build" the box I need and get it shipped out tomorrow, and then I won't have drums to play again until I get home. In Juny/Jule. Probably July.
Just needed you all to know that I am human. The one physical, material THING that really mattered to me is almost gone. By all rights, I shouldn't have the right to play it - I should just ship it. But ebay's giving me 48 hours from payment, so it will definitely make it out in tomorrow's mail. I promise. Doesn't mean I won't cry again when I send it to its new drummer.