I live in Burbank and work in the film industry. It is not an uncommon thing for me to encounter a famous person on set or in a coffee shop or grocery store or the credit union. I admire some famous folk, and some I "judge." I'm human, you see. If the celebrity has become famous through forces of talent and skill and personality and luck, chances are, when I encounter him/her in a non-work environment, I will say something (as simple as "love your work" or "I'm a fan"), and a conversation may or may not follow. The celebrities who are famous for things beyond their own control (wealth and a family name) or "Reality" television are the ones I will NOT tend to say anything to, because they show themselves to disregard anyone "below" their own station, and I have no respect for them. I'm not here to start a fight!
When a famous person dies, if it's someone I've respected, I may post or share in the "R.I.P." whatever on Facebook. But it's a short-lived thing. A quick acknowledgement that he or she has passed, and that the work we could have seen will never be seen. I met Phillip Seymour Hoffman a few years ago, and we had a short conversation. He was one whose work I respected, and when he died, I acknowledged it.
I never met Robin Williams. I never worked with him. I never even saw him in person, from any distance. But yesterday was a blow. I'm still crying. I'm not even sure WHY.
I think it has more to do with his Bi-Polar diagnosis, which led to a depression, which led to his suicide. I am in no way diagnosable as having Bi-Polar Disorder. I do have occasional depressions, some of which have been diagnosable, although I've never been diagnosed. I've never been suicidal, although there have been depressions in which I've wished I were dead. I am not currently depressed, but I am deeply saddened by the loss of Robin Williams. I think what is hurting me right now is that he had access (i.e. funds) to the finest medical care, but still couldn't find his way to the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure that his family and friends probably recognized that he was depressed, but no one can know what's going on in the mind of anyone else. Ever. And a depressed mind doesn't necessarily "get" the information that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.
I think, if I can manage to think about Robin without crying... no, not "if" but "when"... I will celebrate his life and work with a bingefest of all of his comedies that I have on my shelf. And then, when I've comedied myself into a frenzy, I'll settle down with "What Dreams May Come"... and then I'll probably wonder why he didn't watch it himself before his own despair took his life.
Farewell, Oh Captain, My Captain. I hope there is an Annie looking for you on the Other Side. I'm sure she'll tell you how greatly you are missed (and will be, for a long while) on THIS Side.
It has been terrible Emelle. I was shocked when I heard last night. I have so many childhood links to his work and it makes the tragedy more real for me.
ReplyDeleteIt is devastating for me, more than most celebrity deaths are. I just can't figure out WHY I am as affected by this loss as I was the loss of my own mother. But I am.
Delete:( I am sorry for you. Feel better honey. Take your time to grieve and find ways to take your mind off of it. Thinking of you x
Deletethank you, Holly. There were so many articles people linked on Facebook, and I found one worth reading on cracked.com re: "why funny people kill themselves" - it helped, and I do feel better. Plus, my friend Stephanie came over and hung out with me all day, so we replaced morbid thoughts with just stupid fun.
DeleteHonestly - I was the same when Michael Jackson died, because I linked him to a very happy period of childhood that I would never get back. When my childhood friend from that same period of time passed away it was so much worse. I can't listen to him anymore. When we have memories associated with someone - even a celeb we have never worse - it really brings it home.
DeleteAw, that sucks. I grew up a bit "sheltered" from popular music and from all "current" (at the time) television and film, so I don't have CHILDHOOD associations that would cause me to mourn a celebrity. When John Lennon was killed; when George Harrison died; when Michael Jackson died (and Farrah Fawcett on the SAME DAY) - I acknowledged the losses. This one's been different for me. I acknowledge Lauren Bacall's passing, but I'm "unaffected" by it. I'm sorry you can't listen to MJ anymore - that's a DOUBLE loss!
Deletehe was loved by alot of people... my favorite movie of his is the world according to garp..and i too will also watch his movies again. .a gentle soul for sure.and a comic genius. thank you for tonight's ramble..
ReplyDeleteI think maybe what hurts so many of us is that he IS loved by us. Every role was played to the hilt, with the utmost of heart, and we just can't fathom how much he could possibly have been hurting.
Delete... and you're welcome. ;)
I think deep down, you DO know why. Mommy was bipolar. She didn't die of it, but we all were part of the dynamic. Depression definitely runs rampant in our family. Of course, that's why I was honorably discharged - all of that self-inflicted pain I was causing because of my very serious depression. You might try grabbing your "book" off the shelf and seeing if it speaks to you still. You will come out of this - stronger and wiser, but you and I both know you're going to have to go through the process first.
ReplyDeleteHad Mommy committed suicide, then I would absolutely understand WHY Robin's death hurts me so personally. I never accepted Mommy's Bi-Polar diagnosis (and still don't). Her depressions were usually triggered by her physical health, if I'm remembering correctly. I will take a look at my book; thanks for the suggestion. But that article I linked, as well as my visit with Stephanie, did the "trick" for me. Typing my responses here DOES still bring mucus into my sinuses (TMI?) but I think today will be much better.
DeleteLove you.
I think a lot of people were shocked by their reaction to his death. I was. But he had such an impact on my late teens and early 20s in particular and so many of his movies and one-liners are tied up in that that it's almost as though part of that has died as well. Dead Poet's Society remains one of my favourite movies. Visiting via the Rewind.
ReplyDeleteI love Dead Poet's Society. I love the Weekly Rewind. Thank you for visiting, and for commenting, Allison. I have found myself "recovered" from my grief at this point; I hope you have, too.
DeleteI think we all shed some tears for Robin Williams. His talent, his cheerfulness, his giving nature... and a special moment with him for each of us in one movie or another. To me it's shocking and hopeless that we can't seem to save anyone, not even the very best ones. x
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, Bron, but I was really flabbergasted by my own reaction. I just don't tend to "mourn" folks I don't know personally. I have a lot of empathy for characters in film, but I realize that the actors are just folk like you and me, so I leave the true mourning (usually) to their inner circles.
DeleteBut you're right. Shocking and hopeless that we can't "save" anyone. And here I am, crying again! Thanks a lot! ;)