Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Crying Jags

Wow. It's been six days since my last post. Where the hell have I been?

Crying, that's where.

So, yeah, apparently, I'm in a bit of a Depression. It's unlike my normal ones, in that I'm not feeling "nothing" or "dead inside"... I actually have noticed a moment or two of joy, where television or a movie will make me smile or laugh, and I've also been crying... well, maybe a lot... um, yeah, that sounds at least a little like Depression.

So what has set me off, you ask? Oh, you name it. Stupid little shit. Or clever little shit. Adverts. Twitter threads about Mister Rogers. YouTube videos. Television. Movies. Life.

Yeah, I've been having crying jags. I guess I'm Depressed.

Yes, of course, I would love to be working, and I wonder whythehell I'm not working. Yes, of course, I feel like I'm doing allthethings to get me back on set, and yet, somehow, I'm not back on set. So that contributes.

But I'm also trying to stay on top of Daddy's health and well-being, and being in California versus Florida means he'll tell me that his outing to the golf course resulted in him finishing four holes before exhaustion (YAY! Almost half of the nine they'd paid for!), and finding out later from his bffs that their squatter reported two holes as the "success" mark... meaning, if I were still in Florida, I'd have known the actual truth on-the-day and not worried over what is likely an exaggeration. I can't really call him out for exaggerating, and maybe the truth is that he was tired after two holes but did, in fact, press on for four? He is a Tough Guy, after all. But is that why he expresses a different truth from what others express? Are both "angles" true? Does it matter?

I dunno. It makes/helps me cry, though.

Last night, Stephen and I didn't know what to watch together, so I looked at our wall-o-blu-rays. I was looking at films that were turned sideways, rather than just filed in their appropriate spaces, because "sideways" is our cue that we haven't yet watched that specific disk, to know whether it's even a "good" copy or has any special features on it.

We landed on
License to Wed, which may or may not be one of Robin Williams' last films. I was a tour guide for Warner Bros. through a Christmas season, and as an employee, I was given access to the video vault on a specific day. This was one of the freebies I was allowed to walk away with. It's probably not a movie you've seen or even heard of, but it stars, among others, Robin Williams, John Krasinski, and Mandy Moore. It's essentially pre-marital counseling BootCamp for this couple, and RW is the generic, non-denominational priest/reverend who wears a Catholic collar but is clearly not Catholic.

So, a romp. I don't agree with most of "Reverend Frank"'s tactics, but that didn't keep me from laughing. Or crying. Yup. I shed enough tears last night that I couldn't breathe at bedtime because of clogged sinuses. FUN!

And today, Daddy indicated that he's fininshed Season 7(02) of Doctor Who, so I sent him an urgent email to make sure that he watches The Day of The Doctor and The Time of The Doctor before he continues on to Season 8 (*** let me just say here that Amazon Prime does NOT  make it easy for you to binge-watch a show like Doctor Who in order, as the Day is called Season 50, episode 8, and Time is called... Christmas Specials Season 2, episode 2... and you Do Not Need To Watch ANY of the rest of Season 50 or Christmas Specials Season 2 to keep up!) #WTFAmazonPrime? Seriously! Why you gotta make it so hard to binge-watch In Order?

Ennyhoo, yeah, I watched both of those episodes, so I can start Season 8. And yeah, I cried during each of them, at various "appropriate" moments.

Now, I don't mind crying. I really don't. Growing up, #InnerHippie was the emotional child. Somewhere along the lines, I gained some empathy, and now I'll cry at the drop of a ... bowtie. And I'm okay with all of that, as long as it doesn't clog up my sinuses and prevent me from sleeping, because That Was A Bitch.

What about you? Do televised/filmed/nonsense things get you crying? Ever? I mean, we went to see GotGV.2 and we both cried (probably me more than he, but still)... Do YOU express emotions for anyone else to witness, or are you pretty much bottling up that shit? Because that's probably not healthy, either. Just' sayin'.


  1. I love me a good cry. Hugs to you. Look after yourself xxx

    1. I also love a good cry. I don't love crying so much that I block my sinuses.

      Thanks, Holly. ๐Ÿ’–

  2. I watched "Dancer in the Dark" in my apartment back when I was single. It was late at night and I was trying to finish up movies before the Oscars. Suddenly, my roommate burst out of her room angry that I had awakened her and yelled at me to quiet down. I didn't realize, I had been sobbing. So, yes, I cry at movies. You are not alone. I also find myself tearing up when not watching movies -- because I am crying at the "movies in my head." I work out my problems by playing out the dialogs in my head but my emotional reactions come out on the surface. So you are not alone and you should come over some time so we can chat over coffee and clear away the funk.

    1. I'm not familiar with Dancer in the Dark. My go-to film is Truly, Madly, Deeply when I WANT to cry.

      Just read an article this morning on "high functioning depression" and am now wondering if that's my problem.

      Are you a friend in real life, that's local, for funk-clearing coffee chats? Or was that a "wishful thinking" scenario? ๐Ÿ˜Ž

  3. Sorry to hear that depression is lying to you a lot. No way I would tell anyone with depression to just cheer up, so I will say you are not alone.

    Psst... don't tell anyone, but I always tear up when Rocky is calling out for Adrian at the end of the movie.

    1. Psst... don't tell anyone, but I honestly don't know whether I ever made it to the end of that movie. Not a fan of "classic" Stallone but I enjoy his attempts at humor.

      Also, I'm sure you are not alone, either. And your secret is safe here. ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ™ƒ


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