He's been spending his not-at-work time writing, and looking for either a better-paying or better-hours job. I've been spending my not-at-work time looking for more work, too. We're both looking for more work, pretty much all the time.
But for the past few months now, we haven't actually been telling each other about our specific successes or failures. I've come home from a day of bookkeeping, and there's not much to say, other than ___ ? Really, what is there to say at the end of a day of bookkeeping?
What's there to say at the end of a day of selling pet supplies, or watching a game show taping, or any of the variety of gigs we've had in the past few months?
When we moved TO North Carolina, we went for "reasons". While we were there, our work prospects were limited or weird or depressing or all of the above. Also while in NC, I went through a depression or two, and Stephen did what he could to help me find my way back to the light.
I've been depressed, a time or twelve. I know that
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I know that when I think that No One Wants Me or that I'm Worthless, it's simply the Depression Lying. Stephen may have "known" these things, too, while I was depressed. He may have tried to remind me, at the time, that I wasn't really "worthless" or "unwanted" and that it was just my feelings. And eventually, my depression would clear, and I would see the Truth, and things would improve all around.
Then we decided to come back to California, for "reasons". It took awhile and many submissions for me to book all of the various work that I booked, including background acting, audience work, restaurant work, and the gig at the dance studio. It took awhile and many submissions for Stephen to get the job he's got, and he's still got feelers out for "something better".
Meanwhile, he's still grieving. Not only the loss of his father, but also the loss of the family who didn't need us as much as we expected them to, and for whom we moved in the first place!
So today, it all came to a head. It started with something stupid, as all important fights do. But it definitely blew into epic proportions and it took us staying in the same room for the duration, no matter which one of us wanted to leave or how many times, to get to the point: Stephen is suffering from Depression, and Depression Lies.
We're going to do whatever we can to work through it, but the key is that we now both know what's happening. We're going to get him back to his sunshine and happiness, and when we do, he'll have the job he's meant to have, and he'll still have plenty of time to write and to read.
If you have a personal "story" regarding Depression, feel free to comment here. If you have a personal relationship with Stephen, won't you please reach out to him in some way? I know (from my own personal experience) that he could use someone to talk to about what's going on.