I promised you kids at least one more review today. Unfortunately, my review of Carol will be tainted by the fact that it only streams properly on my cell phone, and there is No. Fucking. Way. In. Hell. I'm going to watch a two-hour movie on that teeny-tiny screen! NO. FUCKING. WAY.
So maybe you can explain to me why it works this way, because it doesn't make a damn bit of sense to me. I go to the website, on the television, and the video never loads. I go to the website, on my computer, and the video streams almost immediately, but I only get to see about four frames per second, rather than the standard twenty-four (I'm just guessing that the video loads only one out of every six frames). The audio streams just fine. But the video? Not so much. Still, connecting the laptop to the television via an HDMI cable allows me to watch it on a larger screen, jumpy though it is. Checked it out on the phone, just to see. To see if maybe, I could stream it via the phone through the computer into the big tv and therefore get to see all I'm hearing. Because on the phone, you see, using the same internet connection I've got in my laptop and the PlayStation4 into the tv, for whatever unknown ridonkulous reason, it streams PERFECTLY. Streams Perfectly into my tiny 4" screen, using the Same. Damn. Internet. Connection. What the ever-lovin' Eff, People? Why can't I watch this (allegedly) beautiful film on more than 4"? I can, as long as I resign myself to seeing approximately 1/6th of the originally shot visuals. (Honestly, I probably got to watch significantly LESS than 1/6th of the visuals. Just sayin')
So here's my review: Carol is about a forbidden love affair. It's forbidden because the time period is the 1950's and the location is Anywhere, America. The two parties of the love affair are both female; thus the forbidden aspect. Galadriel the Ageless Elf woos the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Apparently, one or both of them are nominated for Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role. I couldn't tell ya. Sorry.
In case you can't really wrap your brain around my frustration, imagine this: A Sweeping, Historic Battle Epic with Brilliant Landscapes and Cinematography that you have to watch as a slideshow, all the while hearing every stinkin' bit of dialogue and swordplay in "real" time. Imagine The Best Ensemble Cast in the Most Quotable Romantic Comedy of All Time, performing their hearts out while you quote along with them, but only getting to watch it like a filmstrip in elementary school. I'm very unhappy. You should be, too. If I had received the physical screener they'd promised me, you'd have gotten a much better review much sooner than this. But what are you left with? This. Pathetic. Blog. Post. And now I have nothing left to look forward to but Trumbo, streamed in iTunes, which I'll have to fight with because Stupid Apple. Yay.
Go ahead. Yell at me. You deserve better than this.
A sample of what I endured.Oh, and in case you were wondering, the weather changed to super-fantastic yesterday. I drove around, doing my errands, with my window open and my shirt sleeves pushed up to my elbows. And then my congestion returned last night, disallowing anyone in this household to sleep until well after midnight. So I feel great today. Peachy.